My h says he would be a hypocrite to tel me he loves me and that i am a hypocrite for saying it cause i do not show it and that I am truly an ignorant person and that for me not to see that he loves me and shows me by leaving and working, it his is his way and that for me to need to hear ILY is stupid and rididculous and he will not say it cause our R is not that good. I explained to him that he loves with conditions and you know what I do not.
I explained I would love him whether he could make love to me or buy gifts like he likes too or if he was x,y or z,, come what may that my love for him would never die.


I have been calling him cause I miss him and he has been very dry and this morning before he blew up he was in a great mood.

I now see that I need to stop calling and maybe even stop loving him. I dunno if I can stop loving him but he is feeling like I am a hypocrite and that my needs are stupid but he needs for me to set out his clothes to see that I love him,, ? he says I never show him I love him and I was trying hard but I guess it was not enough,, I am not sure if i can deal with this pain of being loved and then pushed away and then shoved away and then loved some more anymore,,, I feel as though I am not selfish and he says that he has worked hard to provide for me and "buy " me all these things and you know what all I ever wanted was HIM. To me he is more precious than all those things and I guess we always cannot get what we want,, I have a nice car and a nice necklace but what I wanted most of all his love I never got and funny thing I never asked for any GIfts but I always asked and begged for his love and I am left with my hands open and waiting and he tells me that until I give him what he needs from me he will not give me what I need,, he hasnt seen the love yet.....


he has not SAID THE D WORD BUT MY HEART IS BROKEN AND I WILL HAVE TO RECOVER IT SOME HOW.

I explained when he pushes me away to make me show him my love more it makes me scared and I hide more..........

I am feeling so sad and so lost and the tears willnot stop I have been crying for an hour straight,, love is not supposed to hurt this much and I love him still and yet i need to be free of the pain,, I will have to find my way but for now I feel lost again just like when he dropped the bomb,, I have to scramble and pick up the pieces cause he is ired of giving and he does not want to care anymore he is just tired of never getting anything.....

I dunno if I can handle much more pain and still keep coming back for more,, I do not want t o cause him pain and yet he cannot see that by pushing me away when he says he needs me so much makes no sense....

God please help me I am so scared and I have no time to be scared.