Hi I'm gonna go a different direction on this, but I don't know what your history is, or where you are in the piecing process. Obviously you wanna steer clear of anything that you know alienates your W. I also don't get along very well with my H's parents and it has come between us for years.
Validate your W's feelings about how your parents treat her. Don't defend your parents or try to point out how they didnt mean it the way she took it, or say "that's just the way they are".
I'd go with the rest of the posts except, in our experience, it's been a cheeselss tunnel to solving the problem. Your parents and your W are not likely to start getting along better because you intervene, and even if it gets better, the tension might remain between them for years. I also can't suggest that you write your parents off, stop seeing them, or argue with them about it, well, because they're your parents and if you have a good R with them, that is something valuable for you.
If there is anyway you can support your W's feelings and encourage her to talk to your parents about them, I'd do it. Ultimately, the relationship between your P and your W is their responsibility and you can't fix it yourself. If this means they never get along and your W refuses to visit them, I'd support that and not insist that she have a relationship with them. OTOH, if she'd like to discuss the problems with them and they are willing, I'd be as supportive as possible. Suggesting that she talk to them and clear the air empowers her to have a say about the relationship.. it also keeps you from being in the middle (if you refuse to be put there). There was a time when I wished my H would wring his parents' necks, but over time I've heard enough to see this puts a spouse in a bad place. Often if they do stand up to their parents, their spouse still isnt happy with the way it handled, and, if it doesnt result in changes, the blame cycle continues. My H "tried" for years. It didnt make me feel accepted by his parents and it didnt make much of a diff really. What has made a difference though, is that H stands behind me 100 percent. He agrees that they've treated me like crap and shouldn't. I'm not expected to attend family gatherings and if I have something to say, he doesn't get upset with me for being angry at his parents.
I don't know if this helps at all.. it's a hard situation to deal with. I worked with a woman for years who hated her H's parents and nothing they did satisfied her. The mistreatment was a two way street. She'd call him and rave.. tell him to tell his "B Mom" this or that, and then quiz him and get ticked because he didn't say exactly what she expected. That's extreme, but if it sounds like your W at all, don't get in the middle of that tug of war. Validate, support, hug, tell her she's free to confront your parents in a way that's comfortable (with your full support). That's my 10 cents
I'm gonna go a different direction on this, but I don't know what your history is, or where you are in the piecing process. Obviously you wanna steer clear of anything that you know alienates your W. I also don't get along very well with my H's parents and it has come between us for years.
