Im, Lissett and RCR are rigth. Listen to them they are very wise. This is the RCR down to the 9th circle of hell. Be strong for you, I go for long walks and someimtes I cry the whole way just so I can come home and be a friend to my H. And it really s**ks! I want to smack him! We don't get to do that. You do need to decide what you want. I too am a Stander, and some days are sooo bad I would rather die. But I don't because one way or another I will come through this as the BEST me I can be. No, I am not joining the Army (too old *sigh*). It takes all the strenght and determination you've got and then some. Borrow from those of us here. Do you really care if you look like a monster? Would you be willing to take that on if it meant the two of you could fix this? I found it really helpful to decide exactly what I want. Everyday I take a step in that direction NO MATTER HOW SMALL. If it looks like the step I've taken is leading me in the wrong direction, I make the correction. Kind of like a flight plan. You can do this. It hurts like hell, but your stronger than you know. You have to decide. Hugs.
