Like I said, I can empathize here to beat the band. My parents (and in my case other family members) didn't treat WAW well at ALL. And, I lived through exactly what you are going through - any small reference to parents brought back all kinds of issues - and usually a reference to something that happened 10 years ago.
For any WAS, they will stick to their guns until 1) ownership of the problem is taken (that's yours) and 2) different behaviour is consistently displayed.
What does not work (didn't in mine) is 1) trying to explain away your parents actions or defend in any way. 2) Minimize your WAW's feelings of hurt and anger or 3) expect that if you do nothing, that the issue will blow over and go away.
What worked for me, was a strong admission BY me that I let it get out of hand. I seconded this by deciding that I would choose the marriage relationship ahead of all others (except perhaps God's) including my parents and siblings and I made it clear to them that this was the case. I was not passive aggresive about it either. I told them flat out that they are either with me or against me and if I was going to save my M, I needed them with me. This took time for them to swallow, but it is bearing fruit. I further then showed by W and my parents that I meant business. Lastly, I was patient - this does NOT fix itself overnight.
In the meantime, I GAL'd my arse off to make myself the obvious choice over an OM. And won. Still lots of way to go, but time is on my side.
So, Merder, time to get to work. I'm with Heywire that you need to own up to this - big time. Without promises of what the future would bring (from your parents), but that you screwed up in the past. Then you need to have it out with your parents to shape up or ship off. I would not own up to this by initiating an R discussion, let you W do that. However, when she does, own it, agree and validate and leave it for that.
Then, let your actions speak for themselves. Know that most convo's on the topic with your WAW will not be productive right now - so A/V all you can. Paraphase back so that you understand the hurt and can have an action plan for the future.
You're move....
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
