For instance, my H who used to have an issue with my weight was encouraging me to eat MORE pizza this weekend even though by all objective standards I could still stand to lose a few pounds.
Stop analyzing and enjoy the warm fuzzy. He's caring for you in an odd way, but hey, he's finding his way, too.
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For instance, he volunteered (I had not asked at all or even indicated that I needed assistance)to haul some stuff around for me but he said very crankily while he was doing it "I can't be your fun guy so I guess I'll be your donkey."
He's looking for a feminine smile of encouragement that he's doing his 'man' thing in a way that might be pleasing to you. You could say "Chimps are fun, but what a lovely, cute donkey you are... and donkeys are so much fun, in their own, loving cute way." Or something bit of flirty light humor type talk that gives him the tiny boost he'd like to have from you (which, btw, costs you nothing, but does worlds of good for him).
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My point is that now that I am brave enough to demand respect in the relationship, I can no longer "see" my H's bullying behavior as masculine.
Change your perspective. I don't know that he is trying to 'bully' you so much as he is testing the boundaries, and figuring out how to now act in face of them.
The whole scene where you started to laugh/cry after your son's comment about the laundry, and him saying, 'fine, I'll go to work on Monday,' ... Mo... believe it or not, you inspired him. He picked up his 'man reins' again. He may not have made the move in a stellar fashion, could have done it in a more sauve, sophisticated 'all male' kind of way... but you need to see, and be patient with, the fact that he IS climbing down out of his tower and spending more time out in the sunshine with you. The more comfortable HE gets with it, the less clumsy he'll become with picking back up on his place as the man in the family.
Give him some time. Encourage him. Stick to your boundaries, be firm, but also be gentle. Accept his attempts at change with a bit more empathy (I know this is hard... for ALL of this is new, to both of you). In absence of any other reaction, or when in doubt, just smile and laugh. Let your light shine through.
He's caring for you in an odd way, but hey, he's finding his way, too.
