please remember that I do use this BB as my personal therapy journal/ venting arena. In real life all that "flailing" that I exhibited on the BB just looked like me being somewhat distracted as I went about my daily routine


Yeah I totally understand, sometimes wonder if people here think Im this Loud, violent, aggressive person, because of the times I do post about me.

I just don't want him swearing at me.
remember this.

I can't be your fun guy so I guess I'll be your donkey.". Your H makes me laugh. Im always saying stuff like, 'what do I look like, Pepe the little mule'?
this is a good opportunity for you to use your intuition and femininity.

Disregarding any emotional wear and tear this has had on me,
No. No no no. The emotional wear and tear is not the part you disregard. You tell him the effect it has had on you emotionally, and that you can not take it anymore. Youve taken a lot of emotional wear and tear on this issue, for a long time and you just cant handle anymore.
Then you focus on what is. Things are getting better.

I understand that I shouldn't really gripe about this because whatever cr*p I put up with in the past was due to my own inability to set adequate boundaries

I disagree. you can mention it, and you can protect yourself with boundaries, the problem is if you hold it in you focus on that, instead of getting it out, and focusing on the positives that are occuring when you implement your boundary. I think the way a woman implements boundaries is very important. She will lose respect as the guy is acknowledging her boundaries, If she does it in a masculine fashion, (remember Chrissy?) the guy can either escalate further which is usually anger, violence, etc, or begin filling the feminine energy void. as soon as chrissys H started accepting her boundaries, she left. Not prior when he was behaving badly but still being 'more masculine'.


Ive been thinking alot about my 'do nothing' behavior, since you opened the possibility of it getting a pity reaction.
I really enjoy seeing women 'bloom' and embrace their femininity. It feels great assisting them with that. I get great satisfaction out of it or I wouldnt be doing it. In many ways its much more maligned then men being masculine. someone mentioned to me that I am drawn to women who havent found there femininity yet. I dont think thats exactly correct, cause I can see it in nearly all of them. I guess thats how I satisfy 'saving the princess'. Besides, Ill fall in love with ones who have it, which is too damn scary. There was this one, and the voice in my head said Run Forest Run. But when they start to find it, or become it, or act that way its just a reaction. As soon as I start my 'do nothing' (which doenst mean I act placating...thats just destructive, I expect a woman to be repulsed by it) I find out if they understand that acting like a woman has nothing to do with me. They have the ability to continue the behaviors that make them feel so happy and satisfied, when they are just reacting. But when they flail they (unconsciously I am sure) prove that they hold me responsible for their behavior.

I refuse to do that to myself, anymore.


my son enters the room and says to me "Have you stopped doing my laundry?".
Ok I am going to break another one of my rules. Your son is old enough to do his own laundry. I started when I was 13, cause my mom washed a red shirt with my tighty whiteys, that promptly became tighty pinkys. My second was, your H may have honestly needed rest and recuperation, but thats no reason to walk on eggshells.

My H seeing my reaction responds by saying "Okay, I'm going to work on Monday no matter how cr*ppy I feel.".
What do you think prompted him to say this?
Was he trying to get away from you,
or did he realize you were at the end of your rope. Use your emotional intuition to understand and empathize not personalize.

you're sort of accusing me of being a drama queen. I just don't think that's true Ok. I still think so, and from over here, I think its cute. If I were your H, I would be tired out by it. Weary. peace quiet-- shhhhhhh.


He was very cranky and disrespectful as he did this, yelling at me that I shouldn't carry so much weight in my car and to get the dog out of his f*cking way etc (this is behavior that might have made me cry in the past).. I calmly but firmly said to him "Do not speak to me in that cranky manner. I made a rational, considered decision to buy an inexpensive car rather than a van even though I do need to do some hauling for my business. If the car breaks down early due to being overweighted, I will deal with the consequences.".

just an observation, saying 'I will deal with the consequences' is a me/mine attitude not a we/ours attitude.

Look at this again. What was it you said you dont want? Him yelling at you, or him caring about your car/you/braking safety/transmission wear and tear/cash outflow/etc?

set your boundary for the right thing. focus on what it is that hurts you emotionally. And then let him know that, like a woman. If you can do that, you might be surprised by your H's ability to show you affection.

ex. Its nice that you care about my safety and the cars wear and tear, but when you yell at me it doesnt feel like you care. It hurts. Alot.

HP is going to read this and say... ohh thats too much. So Ill let her give a better example. Wheres UD? Shes good at that too.

Your man does not WANT to hurt you.


Show your emotions, dont let them control you. Its the same for both genders, but how its demomstrated and favorably received is not.

is the problem that I am a smoke alarm that goes off too much or one that doesn't go off quickly enough or what? The problem with a smoke alarm is never that it doesnt go off quickly enough... at least untill the battery is dead. You need to go off for the right reason, so you get listened too, and taken seriously.

You cant be radically honest, untill you know what you need.