Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[LoginName]

HW,
You liked my idea that his checking the personals might be good? Wait until you hear this next one! ;-)

First, even though I think you are piecing, maybe you need to step back and practice the techniques from before you were piecing; GAL, PMA, etc. Also, no expectations, focus on yourself and what you can change, ... those kinds of things.

Second, maybe piecing is harder than the alternative. Wouldn't that be funny. We get our S to start working on R, and it turns out to be harder and more painful than before?! Keep your strength up. I think you (and I, I hope) are in for a long, hard journey. But you got to believe what they say about good things being worth the effort.

Lastly, and I'm just playing with this idea, don't know if it's any good, I think I got it from a book but I don't remember which... maybe you should let go of your idea (expectation) of what love and your R should be like. I think most, if not all of us, subscribe to an Ideal of what love is. No matter how mature we are, or smart we are, I think we harbor this ideal in our heads and when the R doesn't match it, we think something is wrong. Maybe your H's ideal is different. Maybe you and he will build something that is different than what you think it should be, but just as good.

And lastly, lastly.... I'm guessing that if you feel that he has to please you and make things up to you, or he needs to meet your standards or expectations in some way, he might not feel like making much of an effort. I know some of the infidelity books make it seem like the person who had the A should do everything they can to fix things, but I've found it doesn't work that way (even if it should! ;-) ). Are you setting goals for him, or tests for him to pass? I'm guessing that won't work.

What do you think of those ideas?