Whatis,

I have found that addressing things when they happen does a lot to prevent the buildup of resentment. You get angry at your W from time to time as a result of things she says to you, yet do you tell her how you feel? I have found that when I tell my W that she's speaking to me in a tone I don't appreciate that I tend to feel better about myself afterwards, vs. when I let her speak and let all of this go. I'm not saying you should try and force her to stop, rather, you should communicate your feelings when she speaks to you in a way you don't like. Furthermore, you should be prepared to remove yourself from a situation that is abusive or unhealthy for you. Remember, people can only abuse you as much as you are willing to allow - and if you are resentful about your W's treatment of you, you are allowing more than you should.

Quote:
God knows why I stay and put up with this b!tch. She deserves to be alone. sometimes I just feel like driving her teeth down her snarky little throat


Don't put up with the bitch - don't allow her to treat you in a way that you think is unacceptable - but encourage the great wife in her. Tell her that you don't want to be treated the way she has been, whether she's using a condescending tone or outright attacking you, and then tell her that you will not participate in a conversation where she speaks to you as less than an equal. Then be very aware of when you begin to feel uncomfortable in a conversation and make her aware. If she doesn't change her tone, end the conversation.

If you ask me what her point is, it's to make you out to be less than you are. It's to prove to herself that you're not good enough for her - probably a way to offset the guilt she's feeling - but what's really important to recognize is that you are confirming it for her every time you allow her to speak to you that way. She tears you down and you take it. You allow it.

If you address things when they happen you don't get to the point where you might blow up. You address something and then it's done while it's still an incident. Don't wait until you have a list of offenses. Sacrificing yourself for your marriage will never work.

Last edited by MuddleThrough; 02/05/07 02:40 PM.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ”
– Albert Einstein