He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

Someone called here for H yesterday. I said he wasn't here, so the guy asked if he could reach him on his mobile and I just said I assumed so. It's a guy H does business with, (helps with his website). I've met him a few times. I was sure that H would have told everyone he knows that he's free and single again by now, so it shocked the hell outta me that someone would call here looking for him. Oh well, I'm sure H would have set him straight when he finally got onto him.

I had this weird dream last night, and just this second I think I figured out what it was trying to tell me.

In the dream, I was at a theme park of some description. I was there with my family, and we were given 4 free passes to this new waterslide type ride that had just opened. Myself, my mum, and my sister decided to go on the ride, but dad was gonna wait outside. Mum said we should hold onto the last free pass in case H showed up at the last second and wanted to use it. I remember looking down at it and it actually had his name on it, but I was still certain he wouldn't show up to use it.

Anyway, we go into this area where each group has to wait before going on the ride, and the room was full of people. Some of them I recognised, but most of them I didn't. We were then told that because it was so close to closing time, we'd all have to wait until the next day to actually go on the ride, but we couldn't go home, we had to spend the night in this room. I don't remember much of what happened during our wait in the room, I just remember getting really annoyed, and was especially worried that dad was still waiting outside for us, not knowing where we were.

Anyway, flashforward to the next day and we eventually got to go on the ride, which was in several different sections. One section involved a bunch of us being in a long boat, which was only one seat wide, so we were all one behind the other, going along this narrow course. The sides of the course were almost shoulder height, and there were jets of water pushing the boat along.

The course started out going straight, then started to turn all these corners. We then got to a section which like a wavy line, kinda like this, with the tight turns, one right after the other. At each turn, it got narrower, and narrower, and the sides got higher, until they were almost over my head. I'm a thin person, and even I was barely able to fit through these gaps, that's how narrow they were getting. I remember wondering how anyone else could possibly be coping with it, if I was about to be squashed in the tiny space. I felt so constricted, like if I kept going on this twisting, turning course, and it kept closing in on me on both sides like this, there was no way I'd make it out the other end alive. I wondered how the hell I was supposed to get out of there. I couldn't go forward. I couldn't go back. I was stuck, and unable to breathe.

Then all of a sudden these jets of water shot up from underneath us all and dislodged us and sent us flying into the air. I was so relieved it's not funny!

There was some other stuff that happened after that. My brother showed up out of nowhere and we all had to dress up in fancydress and my mum was slicing up a cake. Not sure what all that was about, but I don't think that was the important bit, so I'm not too worried about it.

I think that the waiting around in that waiting room and getting frustrated and annoyed was the time when we first separated. It seemed like things were stuck for what seemed like ages. Then I think the first bit in the boat was when I started moving on a bit, dragging myself up and doing little things to help move forward. Then we come to the part with the twists and the turns and the ever encroaching walls making me feel suffocated. That's where I've been these last few weeks. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me that I can't keep going down that winding path, because if I do, pretty soon the walls will close in on me completely and I'll just be squished. My only way out is to rise above, like that jet of water from below caused me to do. It forced me out of that cramped situation I was stuck in so I could actually breathe again.

So the only way is up, not forward on the same path. That's what the dream was telling me. Easier said than done, though.

I hope you enjoy the production! Positive things can still happen w/o your H.

Thanks! Here's hoping it turns out to be a good night. I think something that holds me back from really wanting to do fun stuff right now is that in the past, if I'd be doing something fun, I'd always want to share it with H, and us doing it together is part of what made it so fun. Stuff just doesn't mean as much when I can't share it with him.

I think the letter is a great idea, but content is important.
If it comes across as being sincerely concern for his well being, I say go for it. Perhaps this will also remind him he is still family and he is not just breaking up a M, but a family.

I think that's something he's been ignoring, in his selfishness. Maybe he's got his newfound freedom, but it's putting strain on our family and friends as well. Around Christmastime, my mum was saying how they'd all like to see him again, so it'd be nice if we could all get together at some point. I mentioned that to him the last time I saw him on Christmas Eve, (it's been over a month since I last saw him....God that's sad...that's the last time we actually spoke, as well ), and he just nodded and said, "We'll see." So maybe hearing from my brother and sister would be a bit of a wakeup call. Then again, maybe it'd just piss him off. I haven't heard anything more from B or S about the possible letter though, so it may not even end up happening.

I agree with your observation. And the comment about the letter acting as a wake up call for how serious he is may just prove he is taking action to prove to himself as well.

I think that once the WAS actually walks away, they probably think that everything is so messed up that there's just no going back, so they'll just do whatever they please and it doesn't matter if it makes things worse, because they're already unfixable anyway, so what's the difference. In fact, the more things they do to mess it up the better, because the bigger the mess, the less guilty they have to feel about not going back to it, because what sane person would go back to that painful situation? It's far more sensible to get as far away from the mess as possible.

With any luck he'll have his own waterslide dream where he gets the message that he can't keep going on that path and has to rise above instead if he wants to be able to breathe again. Just wish there was something I could do to help him with coming to that realisation.

Just one more thing then the latest novel will be done. I hate thinking about Valentine's Day. It's gonna be so damn miserable, because all I'll be able to think about is how sickeningly sweet H and his OW will be on their first VDay together. I try not to think about it, but everytime I see something relating to VDay, it's kinda hard to ignore.