He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

Thanks, 4ever. It'd odd how comforting it can be to read a few kind words from a complete stranger on the other side of the world.

I saw my best friend today. All through highschool she was hell bent on becoming a lawyer, so she got her law degree, then when she was exposed to the actual world of lawyers, she was turned off and didn't wanna become one. Anyway, because she knows a fair bit about law stuff, I showed her the letter I'd gotten from H's lawyer about this property settlement business.

In the letter, it basically set out a shortlist of debts and assets, (of which there aren't many, because we don't own a house or anything like that). It said that I could keep all furniture/whitegoods, the only thing he wants is the pool table, and that he'd also pay me $2500. It didn't explain where that figure came from though. Best friend reckons that there'll probably be costs associated with filing the papers for this property settlement, and perhaps the $2500 was thrown in so I'd be able to cover that, but she couldn't be sure.

She also said that I should probably speak to an actual lawyer, who would know better than her. She pointed out that I should find out what implications this process may have if we do end up reconciling. H's superannuation is listed in the letter, (it's really his only asset, apart from his car, which he still has a loan for as well), and the letter made no mention of me getting any portion of his superannuation fund, so even if we reconcile, this document may still prevent me from ever getting a chunk of that at any point in the future. That's something I hadn't even considered.

So now I've gotta figure out what I'm gonna do.

Before speaking to my friend, I'd been thinking it would be easiest to just accept it as is and not ruffle any feathers and try to fight it, because that'd just piss H off again. But now I'm thinking I really should speak to a lawyer to find out what the deal really is and what I should do. My friend suggested that if I spoke to a lawyer, they could send a letter to H's lawyer, saying that they were acting on my behalf and had received the letter, but I was still considering what to do, and in that way I might be able to stall the process, (the letter said I need to notify them if I'm gonna accept the offer or not by Feb 16th, which only gives me a couple of weeks to figure this all out), but once again, that would probably piss H off even more.

Good DBing right now is to not have contact with him and not put any pressure on him, but what if I need to do just that in order to end up with a fair deal, or even just to find out some more details about the deal I've been offered? What if I try to get some of the conditions of the settlement changed, and he ends up changing his mind and decides to take the furniture/whitegoods off me instead, leaving me with nothing?

I wish I could just pick up the phone and actually have a conversation about all of this with him, because it's so unnecessary to be making this all so complicated by getting lawyers involved. But I know that he's not thinking rationally right now, so anything I suggest he'll disagree with just on principal, so trying to talk sense to him will only push him further away, (not that he can actually get much further away than he is already).

Part of me also wants to discuss it with MIL, because maybe she could talk some sense into him and get him to drop this settlement thing. All he wants is the freaking pool table for crying out loud! That's what the letter says, I get to keep all the furniture/whitegoods, but he wants the pool table. Doesn't he realise that if he wants to take the pool table, I'll let him take the freaking pool table! We don't need a legal document to say that he can take the damn pool table!

I wish I didn't have this Feb 16th deadline to deal with. As it is, he's pushed, and I'm gonna have to push back, and hardly any time has passed since our last blowup, so going at it again so soon is not gonna help anything!!!

What am I gonna do? How can I possibly balance sensible DBing with getting lawyers involved? If I go see a lawyer, I'll have to decide then and there how I'm gonna respond to the property settlement request, and I honest to God don't know what I'm supposed to do.

[Walking]

Hi Ophelia

Sorry you are going through this rough spot.

Sweet Ophelia - whatever you do, don't involve your mother-in-law. He specifically asked you not to upset her when you spoke to her last time, and I think that is indication enough that he's going to be very pi$$ed if you talk to her about it.

It's really not fair to put his mum in the middle of all of this and it certainly won't take you any closer to your goal of getting back together. She doesn't have the power to tell him what to do, like a naughty little boy.

The way to sensibly DB through this, even with lawyers involved, is to go along with it. You said yourself, it is no big deal really, you are happy to give him the pool table, you get to keep everything else - it's a no brainer.

If you retain a lawyer yourself, you are going to have legal fees (which are usually exhorbitant)and you are going to pi$$ your H off. This is no win-win situation.

Just relax and let it happen. You might be surprised by his reaction if he knows you are not going to fight with him. He is more likely to want to be your friend, if there is no conflict.

Right now, his actions are telling you that he wants you out of his life - you have to prove to him that you are someone he wants in his life.

List out your attributes, the things that make you desirable. To have a good partner, you need to be a good partner. Start you list simple and design it so that it has some goals. Try something like

My amazing desirable qualities (all goals are made up to illustrate the point)

Career: Currently I'm an xxx. Within the next 12 months I'm going to get promoted to the next level/or change career to xxx/or finish my degree/ or whatever to take you to the next career step.

Personal Fitness: I can currently walk/run 4 kms in 45 mintues. Within the next 12 months I'm going to be able to run 4 kms in 20 mins

Personality: I'm outgoing and fun. Within the next 12 months I'm going to have hosted 6 dinner parties, made 3 new friends and deepened my friendships with Bill, Dick and Harry etc.

Body Image:

Lesuire time pursuits:

Spirituality:

Family:

Your marriage didn't end over night, it took a long time to go down hill - it won't be restored overnight either. You need to do some work to make you into the best Ophelia you can be before you can realistically expect to have a healthy relationship with your H again.

Take care

[4ever_Regretful]

My loyalty is to you and not your H, so please bear in mind my suggestions are bias to you and your well being.

Even if speaking to a lawyer to obtain some clarification on the implications on what the proceedings entails would be beneficial. Don't make a decision without all the facts.
As for upsetting your H, let him be. What if he does come out of the fog and regrets what he has done? At least you speaking to a lawyer may allow you to figure out a way to protect yourself or at least buy you some time for him to come around.

Good DBing right now is to not have contact with him and not put any pressure on him, but what if I need to do just that in order to end up with a fair deal, or even just to find out some more details about the deal I've been offered? What if I try to get some of the conditions of the settlement changed, and he ends up changing his mind and decides to take the furniture/whitegoods off me instead, leaving me with nothing?

Either way, would you want to go into the agreement blindly?
I think it would be in your best interest to find out the details. You can still decide if you want a letter from your lawyer to be sent to your husbands.

I wish I could just pick up the phone and actually have a conversation about all of this with him, because it's so unnecessary to be making this all so complicated by getting lawyers involved. But I know that he's not thinking rationally right now, so anything I suggest he'll disagree with just on principal, so trying to talk sense to him will only push him further away, (not that he can actually get much further away than he is already).

Not calling him may be the best. I agree even if you speak to him it may not be productive.

Part of me also wants to discuss it with MIL, because maybe she could talk some sense into him and get him to drop this settlement thing. All he wants is the freaking pool table for crying out loud! That's what the letter says, I get to keep all the furniture/whitegoods, but he wants the pool table. Doesn't he realise that if he wants to take the pool table, I'll let him take the freaking pool table! We don't need a legal document to say that he can take the damn pool table!

Don't involve MIL. Having her speak to him would be worst than you calling him directly. He may feel that not only are you disagreeing, you are getting allies to your cause.

If you feel he is simply doing this for the pool table perhaps you can let him know he can have that without the paperwork signed. But there may be something bigger in his mind he is hoping to accomplish.

What am I gonna do? How can I possibly balance sensible DBing with getting lawyers involved? If I go see a lawyer, I'll have to decide then and there how I'm gonna respond to the property settlement request, and I honest to God don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Perhaps you won't have to decide there and then. Before going to the lawyer perhaps you can get a counsel over the phone and determine if you can just go to get the facts of what it all means.

Wishing you strength and courage.

[Ophelia]

One of these days I'll write a post that isn't novel length. As it turns out, today is not that day...

Well, something good has happened over the past day or so, but it's not related to H.

My best friend and I are gonna be going to see a production of CATS the day after my birthday. I'm kind of obsessed with all things feline. The first time I saw CATS was with H when there was a production touring the country some years back. We saw it again in London when we were there for our honeymoon. I've been hoping there'd be another Aussie production of the show ever since, so I could go and see it again, (not that watching it on DVD isn't fine and dandy, but it's not as good as an actual live performance of course).

Anyway, there's this free lifestyle/arts/etc local magazine that we hadn't had delivered to us for over a year, but then a couple weeks back, we started getting it delivered again for some unknown reason. Flicking through the magazine, I saw a pic of some of the CATS cast and of course it immediately caught my attention in a "What are the chances that we'd start getting this thing delivered again the same week they have an ad for a production of CATS in it?" kinda way. Divine intervention, perhaps? Did someone up there know it'd cheer me up to be able to see CATS again, so arranged for the delivery so I wouldn't miss it?

I casually mentioned it to my friend when she was over the other day and she instantly got all excited and insisted that we go together. And as luck would have it, there's a performance the day after my birthday which I was able to get 8th row centre seats for, so that should be fun!


Went to my parents' place for dinner last night. My brother and sister were there as well. It's pretty rare to have all 3 of us kids at home at the one time! Anyway, it turns out that bro and sis have recently been considering writing a letter to H. They stressed that if they do, they'll show it to me first, and I will ultimately be the one who decides if they send it to him or not.

You see, several years back, my sister was dating a guy who is somewhat of a deadbeat and treated her like crap. He dumped her on her birthday, and much angst ensued for the coming weeks when she was wanting to get back with him and the whole family was trying to change her mind. (They did end up broken up for about a year, though they ended up back together, but thankfully this time my sister has grown up a bit and isn't getting walked all over like last time.) During this time, H wrote my sister a letter. He talked about a crazy ex of his and how she was rather like my sister's boyfriend. He tried to explain why everyone was so worried about her, including himself, because he was part of the family and hated seeing her being treated like crap by this guy, and how she deserved so much better.

So now my brother and sister are tempted to write him a letter in a similar vein. Who knows what it would end up saying if they ever do get around to writing it, though I imagine parts of it may not be that nice, considering my sister expressed last night that if she ever were face to face with H's new girlfriend, she'd beat the crap out of her (my sister isn't a violent type) and tell her how disgraceful she was for hooking up with a married man.

I'm not so sure that it'd help matters for them to write him a letter, and they said that's why they wouldn't send it to him without my having read it and given my consent first. On the other hand, MIL did say to me that my family have every right to be angry at him and have every right to let him know that because he's a big boy so shouldn't be shielded from how he's made people feel.

It's really not fair to put his mum in the middle of all of this and it certainly won't take you any closer to your goal of getting back together. She doesn't have the power to tell him what to do, like a naughty little boy.

Oh if only she could just send him to his room so he could think about what he's done like the naughty boy he is. I'm quite sure he would be super pissed off if I went to talk to his mum about this. I did find it a tad hypocritcal when he told me not to upset his mum. Like he doesn't think his current behaviour would be opening old wounds for her already without me doing a damn thing?

The way to sensibly DB through this, even with lawyers involved, is to go along with it. You said yourself, it is no big deal really, you are happy to give him the pool table, you get to keep everything else - it's a no brainer.

If you retain a lawyer yourself, you are going to have legal fees (which are usually exhorbitant)and you are going to pi$$ your H off. This is no win-win situation.

Well I still haven't gotten a lawyer. Got my dad to have a look at the letter, and he reckons he figured out where the mystery figure of the $2500 cash came from. If you take the amount H's superannuation has increased by since we were married, then add on the values of the car and the furniture, then subtract the debts, you end up with a figure of about $14000. Half of that is $7000, so with the $4500 worth of furniture I'm getting, the $2500 cash makes up the difference so I'm essentially getting a 50% cut. The only thing is that we don't know how accurate the figures are that are in the letter, like the current value of his car, etc, so who knows if it's actually fair. I'm not really interested in challenging that and splitting hairs though.

The only thing I'm really still concerned about is the implications this may have if we do reconcile, (ie: my signing away any claim to any of his super), so that's what I've still gotta get a professional opinion on.

Just relax and let it happen. You might be surprised by his reaction if he knows you are not going to fight with him. He is more likely to want to be your friend, if there is no conflict.

I wonder what he thinks of the fact that I haven't contacted him about it? Surely he would have known that I'd be getting this letter this week, and he probably would have been expecting another influx of annoying txts, voicemails and/or emails, but he hasn't gotten any. I hope it's shocked the hell out of him that I haven't responded that way. That's why I know it'd be ideal if I could just agree to this settlement no questions asked.

Right now, his actions are telling you that he wants you out of his life - you have to prove to him that you are someone he wants in his life.

List out your attributes, the things that make you desirable. To have a good partner, you need to be a good partner. Start you list simple and design it so that it has some goals. Try something like

My amazing desirable qualities (all goals are made up to illustrate the point)

Yeah, I've gotta sit down and write all that good stuff down. I was starting to work on some of it before the OW bomb, but I've kinda been in a tailspin ever since. I know I've gotta get that stuff straightened out though, so that if/when he does make contact, he'll like what he sees.

Either way, would you want to go into the agreement blindly?
I think it would be in your best interest to find out the details. You can still decide if you want a letter from your lawyer to be sent to your husbands.

Yeah, I really do need to know what the settlement letter really means, and what the future implications of it may be. I'm gonna look into services that offer free legal advice first. That way I might be able to have it explained, and it might turn out that I won't need to actually pay for an actual lawyer in the end.

Don't involve MIL. Having her speak to him would be worst than you calling him directly. He may feel that not only are you disagreeing, you are getting allies to your cause.

Which is essentially what I would be doing, I suppose. And it's not like he's gonna give a crap if my motivation is more because I'm worried about his mental/emotional state so I think his mum should know my thoughts because she's the only one who will really be there for him right now. He'll just see it as me trying to turn his own mother against him, and no good can come from that.

If you feel he is simply doing this for the pool table perhaps you can let him know he can have that without the paperwork signed. But there may be something bigger in his mind he is hoping to accomplish.

On the surface, it just looks like he wants the pool table. Now that I've had the time to digest it properly, I realise that there's much more to it than that. IMO, it's his way of trying to beat me over the head with the "WE'RE FINISHED SO JUST MOVE ON" hammer, because he knows that quite obviously I don't feel that way, so he felt the need to get a lawyer involved, just so I could see how serious he is.

Part of it may also be that he's trying to mess things up even worse in an effort to convince himself that there really is no going back. The bigger the mess, the harder it'll be to fix, so the easier it is for him to believe that his new, carefree life is the much better option.

[4ever_Regretful]

I enjoy novels, so you just keeping writing (typing).

I hope you enjoy the production! Positive things can still happen w/o your H.

So now my brother and sister are tempted to write him a letter in a similar vein. Who knows what it would end up saying if they ever do get around to writing it, though I imagine parts of it may not be that nice, considering my sister expressed last night that if she ever were face to face with H's new girlfriend, she'd beat the crap out of her (my sister isn't a violent type) and tell her how disgraceful she was for hooking up with a married man.

I think the letter is a great idea, but content is important.
If it comes across as being sincerely concern for his well being, I say go for it. Perhaps this will also remind him he is still family and he is not just breaking up a M, but a family.

Part of it may also be that he's trying to mess things up even worse in an effort to convince himself that there really is no going back. The bigger the mess, the harder it'll be to fix, so the easier it is for him to believe that his new, carefree life is the much better option.

I agree with your observation. And the comment about the letter acting as a wake up call for how serious he is may just prove he is taking action to prove to himself as well.

[Ophelia]

Someone called here for H yesterday. I said he wasn't here, so the guy asked if he could reach him on his mobile and I just said I assumed so. It's a guy H does business with, (helps with his website). I've met him a few times. I was sure that H would have told everyone he knows that he's free and single again by now, so it shocked the hell outta me that someone would call here looking for him. Oh well, I'm sure H would have set him straight when he finally got onto him.

I had this weird dream last night, and just this second I think I figured out what it was trying to tell me.

In the dream, I was at a theme park of some description. I was there with my family, and we were given 4 free passes to this new waterslide type ride that had just opened. Myself, my mum, and my sister decided to go on the ride, but dad was gonna wait outside. Mum said we should hold onto the last free pass in case H showed up at the last second and wanted to use it. I remember looking down at it and it actually had his name on it, but I was still certain he wouldn't show up to use it.

Anyway, we go into this area where each group has to wait before going on the ride, and the room was full of people. Some of them I recognised, but most of them I didn't. We were then told that because it was so close to closing time, we'd all have to wait until the next day to actually go on the ride, but we couldn't go home, we had to spend the night in this room. I don't remember much of what happened during our wait in the room, I just remember getting really annoyed, and was especially worried that dad was still waiting outside for us, not knowing where we were.

Anyway, flashforward to the next day and we eventually got to go on the ride, which was in several different sections. One section involved a bunch of us being in a long boat, which was only one seat wide, so we were all one behind the other, going along this narrow course. The sides of the course were almost shoulder height, and there were jets of water pushing the boat along.

The course started out going straight, then started to turn all these corners. We then got to a section which like a wavy line, kinda like this, with the tight turns, one right after the other. At each turn, it got narrower, and narrower, and the sides got higher, until they were almost over my head. I'm a thin person, and even I was barely able to fit through these gaps, that's how narrow they were getting. I remember wondering how anyone else could possibly be coping with it, if I was about to be squashed in the tiny space. I felt so constricted, like if I kept going on this twisting, turning course, and it kept closing in on me on both sides like this, there was no way I'd make it out the other end alive. I wondered how the hell I was supposed to get out of there. I couldn't go forward. I couldn't go back. I was stuck, and unable to breathe.

Then all of a sudden these jets of water shot up from underneath us all and dislodged us and sent us flying into the air. I was so relieved it's not funny!

There was some other stuff that happened after that. My brother showed up out of nowhere and we all had to dress up in fancydress and my mum was slicing up a cake. Not sure what all that was about, but I don't think that was the important bit, so I'm not too worried about it.

I think that the waiting around in that waiting room and getting frustrated and annoyed was the time when we first separated. It seemed like things were stuck for what seemed like ages. Then I think the first bit in the boat was when I started moving on a bit, dragging myself up and doing little things to help move forward. Then we come to the part with the twists and the turns and the ever encroaching walls making me feel suffocated. That's where I've been these last few weeks. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me that I can't keep going down that winding path, because if I do, pretty soon the walls will close in on me completely and I'll just be squished. My only way out is to rise above, like that jet of water from below caused me to do. It forced me out of that cramped situation I was stuck in so I could actually breathe again.

So the only way is up, not forward on the same path. That's what the dream was telling me. Easier said than done, though.

I hope you enjoy the production! Positive things can still happen w/o your H.

Thanks! Here's hoping it turns out to be a good night. I think something that holds me back from really wanting to do fun stuff right now is that in the past, if I'd be doing something fun, I'd always want to share it with H, and us doing it together is part of what made it so fun. Stuff just doesn't mean as much when I can't share it with him.

I think the letter is a great idea, but content is important.
If it comes across as being sincerely concern for his well being, I say go for it. Perhaps this will also remind him he is still family and he is not just breaking up a M, but a family.

I think that's something he's been ignoring, in his selfishness. Maybe he's got his newfound freedom, but it's putting strain on our family and friends as well. Around Christmastime, my mum was saying how they'd all like to see him again, so it'd be nice if we could all get together at some point. I mentioned that to him the last time I saw him on Christmas Eve, (it's been over a month since I last saw him....God that's sad...that's the last time we actually spoke, as well ), and he just nodded and said, "We'll see." So maybe hearing from my brother and sister would be a bit of a wakeup call. Then again, maybe it'd just piss him off. I haven't heard anything more from B or S about the possible letter though, so it may not even end up happening.

I agree with your observation. And the comment about the letter acting as a wake up call for how serious he is may just prove he is taking action to prove to himself as well.

I think that once the WAS actually walks away, they probably think that everything is so messed up that there's just no going back, so they'll just do whatever they please and it doesn't matter if it makes things worse, because they're already unfixable anyway, so what's the difference. In fact, the more things they do to mess it up the better, because the bigger the mess, the less guilty they have to feel about not going back to it, because what sane person would go back to that painful situation? It's far more sensible to get as far away from the mess as possible.

With any luck he'll have his own waterslide dream where he gets the message that he can't keep going on that path and has to rise above instead if he wants to be able to breathe again. Just wish there was something I could do to help him with coming to that realisation.

Just one more thing then the latest novel will be done. I hate thinking about Valentine's Day. It's gonna be so damn miserable, because all I'll be able to think about is how sickeningly sweet H and his OW will be on their first VDay together. I try not to think about it, but everytime I see something relating to VDay, it's kinda hard to ignore.

[4ever_Regretful]

So the only way is up, not forward on the same path. That's what the dream was telling me. Easier said than done, though.

I love your interpretation of your dream and what you gain from it!

I think something that holds me back from really wanting to do fun stuff right now is that in the past, if I'd be doing something fun, I'd always want to share it with H, and us doing it together is part of what made it so fun. Stuff just doesn't mean as much when I can't share it with him.

That is how I feel whenever I think of going on trips too. I can't imagine him not being there with me. But then, I don't just want him back, I want him back and willing to work on our M. It helps me to think of all the great times we did have together because they can't be taken away and even if he shares other moments with others, those will still be our memories.

Just one more thing then the latest novel will be done. I hate thinking about Valentine's Day. It's gonna be so damn miserable, because all I'll be able to think about is how sickeningly sweet H and his OW will be on their first VDay together. I try not to think about it, but everytime I see something relating to VDay, it's kinda hard to ignore.

Valentine's day never really bothered me one way or the other. But this year, I am like you. I understand how it can be such a gut wrenching day for single ppl. Everytime I see anything red and heartshape at the stores, I wish I could blow it all up. I have asked H to go to dinner with me. H said he would think about it. During one of my non DBing moments I pushed him for an answer. H finally said forget it. Now I don't even want to ask or bring it up. The thought of him going out with someone else haunts me too.

Sorry if I made you feel worst. That was not my intention.
Just wanted you to know there I share in your sadness.

[flip]

It helps me to think of all the great times we did have together because they can't be taken away and even if he shares other moments with others, those will still be our memories.

That's a nice way of looking at things. I'm at the stage where I just don't want to be reminded of our times together. Everything has been tainted by what came after. In time, I hope I'll be able to look back and appreciate those memories.

For Valentine's this year I've organised a trip for a 14 single female friends to a cocktail bar/restaurant. I didn't want to sit around being depressed so I planned to make a good event out of it. The idea proved even more popular than I thought it would be!!

[4ever_Regretful]

Hi flip,

Sorry about the memories.

I think the singles night out is a great idea!
What do you think, Ophelia?

I will keep that one in mind.

Please provide a link to your sitch flip, as I am interested in reading up on it.

Thank you,
4ever_R

[Ophelia]

It helps me to think of all the great times we did have together because they can't be taken away and even if he shares other moments with others, those will still be our memories.

That's true, no one can take away the memories we share. It can be a bit too bittersweet remembering the good times though. Like flip said, the good times seem tainted now.

For example, I'm a somewhat obsessed Lord Of The Rings fan, and for the premiere of the 3rd movie, H and I went to New Zealand and were next to the red carpet, and then we also spent a couple of weeks travelling all over the country visiting a whole bunch of the locations they used in the movie, (as well as seeing other stuff along the way). Since that trip, whenever I'd watch the movies, and I'd see some place we'd been, I'd remember the time we'd spent there....

When there's a sweeping, aerial shot of Edoras, I'll remember how excited I was when I spotted Mt Sunday in the distance as we were driving along the dirt road, and how I squealed to H, "OMG I think I see it!" before pointing it out to him.....

When I see the few quick shots of Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli on the Dimholt Rd, I'll remember hiking over rocks, under the hot sun, for what seemed like forever, just to get to the location they used, which was so gorgeous and otherworldly it took our breath away, (check out some pics (not mine) here, it's seriously gorgeous).....

When there's the scene where Aragorn kicks away the orc helmet and falls to his knees screaming, I remember how I stood in that very spot and re-enacted the pose in honour of the gorgeous Viggo Mortensen, (who I'm utterly in lust with......he's my celebrity H ), who actually broke his toe when he kicked that helmet, (that was a real scream of pain in the movie). I remember saying to H, "I know it's taking my obsession to tragic levels, but I'm here, and I can't not pay homage to the moment," then H shook his head and laughed as he took my photo.....

I haven't been able to watch the movies since H left though, because the thought of having those, "We've been there!" moments is just depressing now.

Everytime I see anything red and heartshape at the stores, I wish I could blow it all up.

I can totally relate to that! Bombs away, I say!!!

I have asked H to go to dinner with me. H said he would think about it. During one of my non DBing moments I pushed him for an answer. H finally said forget it. Now I don't even want to ask or bring it up. The thought of him going out with someone else haunts me too.

I'm sorry to hear that he changed his mind about dinner with you.

You know what I just realised? My brother is gonna be seeing H next week, and he's gonna be seeing him on VDay! I've mentioned before how my brother and his girlfriend play on the same football team as H. Well they haven't played the last few weeks, but yesterday I was talking to my B and he said he'd sent H a txt to say that he wouldn't play this week, but intended to play next week. H replied and said that was fine, and that there were 2 more games before the finals start.

B was saying that he'd been thinking about how he'll act around H, and decided that despite the fact he has every right to treat H with utter contempt, instead he's gonna try and be perfectly civil. H always goes around a shakes everyone's hand after each game, (H is the team captain), and B said that if he comes up and offers a handshake, that he'll just happily shake his hand as if nothing were wrong at all. I said that was probably the best tactic, because it wouldn't be what he'd be expecting, and would probably mess with his head, and maybe prompt him to think about things a bit if B acted like there wasn't a thing wrong.

Now that I realise that this will all be happening on VDay of all days, I can't wait to hear from my B as to how it all goes down, because OW may very well be there to spend VDay night with H, (mind you, if my suspicions are correct, then OW will already be there, because I think she may be one of the girls on the football team).

For Valentine's this year I've organised a trip for a 14 single female friends to a cocktail bar/restaurant. I didn't want to sit around being depressed so I planned to make a good event out of it. The idea proved even more popular than I thought it would be!!

That's a great idea. Hope you have a good night! Too bad I don't know a bunch of single girls so I could do the same. I'll just be at home, watching House and wondering how my B is going with H.

I've decided that my response to the property settlement letter from H's lawyer will basically be a letter asking that some of the points be clarified. Things like where the $2500 cash payout figure comes from, (though dad and I reckon we've worked that one out already anyway, I'd still like to hear it from the lawyer), clarifying that the "furniture/whitegoods" I get to keep includes electrical items like the TV, computer etc. And finally, letting them know that they got my name wrong. First of all, they used the title "Ms" as opposed to "Mrs", which I assume was H's doing, because he knows I go by Mrs, but doesn't want to think of me as his Mrs anymore. They also spelled my first name incorrectly, which I have to assume was their own clerical error, because I'd hate to think that after 10 years, H could spell my first name incorrectly! Dad actually joked that I should just not respond to the letter, and then when they question me about it, I should just say, "What letter? That letter? But that wasn't addressed to my name, so I assumed it wasn't for me and didn't read it."