Bizarre situation

[geordie]

Well, the R talk never happened this weekend We had good interactions even though we didn't spend much time together (eg he called to let me know that he'd just left (OW) 30 mins prior so I would know what time he would get to childminder's house....even though it is the same time every week so he doesn't really need to call.(he calls in to see S for half an hour on Thursdays on his 2hr drive to work...and on several occasions I have noticed that he seems to be doing this to see me also). He hugged me (as he does most of the time) when he left for work on Sat night - I didn't hug him back but I didn't recoil either and he kissed me on the cheek. Have had that before although it has happened a couple of times lately....baby steps??

I have to say, when I had my big back-slide last week (the final straw that made me post to this site) I told him (thru tears) that I knew I also had made mistakes and I was trying to address them, I've lost weight...blah blah (he said he noticed) don't want to think that we've thrown away 14yrs, a marriage, and a baby without even trying to address the problems...but that if he really didn't want me then tell me because I will stop trying to save this marriage (yikes...I can't believe I actually said that!)....anyway, the one thing he did say was "don't stop trying".....What the...?? I guess he really doesn't know what he wants..........but I do start to feel like a doormat that I am allowing him to sleep here on weekends to save him money for a hotel, knowing that he is being intimate with someone else who he is willing to drive 2hrs for when he's not on night shift! And he still contributes to the mortgage...! Seems to me like he's being really immature but I don't want another child to deal with...I want a husband who loves and respects me. Just worried that the longer this goes on, the easier it will be for both of us to not be a couple; we'll just get used to living in this weird sitch and nothing will get resolved. That scares me.