Yes detachment.... I've finally realized how important that is in any relationship. We just can't depend on others for our own happiness or fufillment and there's a big difference between knowing that and living it.

Now intimacy... that's another topic.... I can understand people having trouble with it. My husband and I struggle with as well. And obviously affairs only make intimacy more difficult to attain.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.