how to keep calm and patient??

[Jen_Jam]

Do you feel you have gained any of your trust back with your H??

Interesting question....my H didn't have an A at all, no OW involved like you BUT there is still the trust issue.
I feel now that I have done all I can to save myself and my M, to create the kind of M that we can both share feelings and concerns in, in which problems are discussed until a solution we are both happy with is achieved.
Right now, H is happy with that too.
I am learing to trust myself too - that I won't mess it all up and that can be quite hard (trusting myself I mean). I look on it as I did while dieting - one slip up doesn't mean the end of the diet, you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get right back on track.
So - do I trust H? Well, if he cannot be the kind of man who will be happy in this M, ie won't voice his concerns or approach me with problems as well as with the good times, then I don't really want him. Of course if it ended again I would be upset but I now know that I have done all I can, and to be honest if I can't have an R with my H I will be OK. I want H in my life but I no longer need him. It took me a long time to learn that, but I feel better for it. It feel far more loving as well to want H rather than need him, I feel like I love him more, or better, now.
SO do I trust him? yes, right now I do. I hope that will continue but I cannot see into the future but I am better equipped to deal with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune now, so I'm not scared anymore.

Finally - the bullying. Name calling is hard, I had it for a bit too. My main problem though was my Dad - I was never good enough, always disappointing him. I needed C sessions to get beyond that. I'm not fully over it but I can recognise the negative "you're not good enough" voice in my head now and challeng it. This is somethign that goes on every day. One day I may fully get over it, in the meantime I can cope easily.