Hi Jen Jam and thanks for your caring and helpful advice as usual.
You're right about the childhood link. I was bullied a lot from junior school right up to leaving comp - verbal not physical but I do think it has contributed a lot to my not feeling like I'm good enough/pretty enough etc. I also think this is why I'm so freaked out about the intimacy thing. I think that because I was name called about looks, being clever etc I started to believe what they said and thought no one would ever want to be with me so I really think that I see ML as being really told I'm loved and attractive. Maybe you're right about getting some C about it.
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This is tough on you and I'm concerned you're not coping well. You know t needs patience, you have GAL and you still panic. IMHO this needs to be addressed cos - and I hope I'm wrong - it looks like H may not be able to give you enough reassurance, do you see what I mean?
I think I'm coping worse with this than with the separation at the minute which is bizzare! Again you are right - H cannot give me enough reassurance right now. We actually had a huge row last night and both shouted and both had quite time to ourselves and I actually think it did us both good. I think we both had so much pent up tension from our individual problems with piecing that we both just exploded! H initiated making up before bed time again which is such a major difference from before - he never ever wanted to make sure we didn't go to bad cross when I always did. He has been a lot more loving today towards me - touching me and quite a few kisses. He did admit he can't give much reassurance though. I feel quite a lot calmer today so I hope it lasts.
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Your trust in him has been severlly broken, it's a MAJOR shock and I KNOW what it's like - I went through the same, in fact when H recommitted there was a point I wasn't sure I wanted him back - I nearly became a WAW myself
Yes even though there was no A its like the trusting of them with your life and heart and knowing they won't hurt you has been completely wiped isn't it. I would love to feel safe and secure with him again and wonder if this ever truly comes back to the extent it felt before?? We'd been together 10 years before the bomb....wonder if it takes 10 years of them not leaving again to feel that safe? Do you feel you have gained any of your trust back with your H??
