Kaw, LL, as usual you seem better equipped than I at dealing with all this. Thank You.

We talked for 2 hours last night...about everything! I will not go into any detail...too long and repetetive. In short, we both expressed our thoughts and emotions from both the present and from a past point of view. She was surprised to realize how she treated me sometimes, and how that may have affected MY actions, which in turn affected her's and so on...the endless cycle of detachement, resentment and falling out of love.

I made some strong statements: I know you still love me, you show me every day...you are just having a hard time being "In Love" with me. She did not disagree...of course, I had to explain what I ment: It is obvious that you still care for me, that you enjoy my company, that you are hurting as much (perhaps only differently) as I am...but you still care, you still want to help, you still want me in your life.

Second strong statement: I feel SO "normal" sometimes that I could...if I don't think before I act, just kiss you, hug you, grab you a** . I know you feel the same way...you have made some "freudian slips" youself...and they have made me smile time and again. She replied that it was the familiarity. I said familiarity is not necessarily bad...we just have to sort of keep it in check. She asked me NOT to act on my "impulses" (the physical touching) "at this moment". I asked her to be upfront with me if and when I made her uncomfortable...and to let me know when it would (or IF it ever would) be OK for me to show more affection. It scares her, but she seems to understand.

We spoke about the MAJOR breakdown in communication: she WAS telling me, I wasn't getting the message. I WAS telling her, SHE wasn't getting the message!

Gotta go...more to come later...when I have time!

Steph