Quote: I see him more now than I did before he moved out. If these people suffer so much guilt then how did they get the guts to leave in the first place?
I know where you are coming from . It is a good first step for you to realize that it DID take a lot of guts for him to leave! We sometimes forget that their decision was not a spur of the moment thing and not something they took lightely...understanding this, feeling some compassion (if not total understanding) does take a lot of the pain and anger away.
For now, I just need to journal a bit...because I feel myself become attached again and it scares me!
My worry is that, as I have stated earlier, I am only a quick fix to her pain and guilt. She is looking elswhere for the love and emotional, and yes, the physical closeness we once had. I do have a role to play, she does seem to need me, but for what purposes and is it a role I am willing to play? Do I really want to be there for her whenever she needs me but absent whenever she does not? Will she simply "dump" me again if all of a sudden she finds someone else to fill the void in her life? I am there for her quite a bit when she has our daughter, but she is not there for me when I have our daughter! She is out and about "trying" to built herself a new life, trying to find happiness, and that may include a new man in her life...and when she feels guilty, all she needs to do is call me up, invite me to supper, have a grand old time, and "use" me to a certain degree! (just venting a bit here!)
I feel her becoming closer:
the many calls (again, always when SHE has our daughter...she has no time to call when she does not)
The many invitations to do things together (Christmas eve, shopping for Xmas trees, making decorations, supper)
The kisses (on the cheeks always) when we part company...initiated by her lately
But then, she keeps on planning her life without me and is spending quite a bit of money to become comfortable in her own little appartment. Not the actions of a woman thinking of reconciliation!
So my worry is that she is, once again, drawing me in closer, but not willing or capable of loving me. I am therefore left by the way side, hurt and confused yet again.
I am spending too much time with her! Not that I dont enjoy it, but when I have our daughter, I am not really able to go out, meet new people, begin a new friendship/relationship (?). And when I DONT have my daughter...well, I still spend most of my time with my wife and daughter. When my wife does not have our daughter, she is out, meeting new people, beginning a new friendship/relationship (?).
I dont epect any answers...a journal entry and nothing else!
. It is a good first step for you to realize that it DID take a lot of guts for him to leave! We sometimes forget that their decision was not a spur of the moment thing and not something they took lightely...understanding this, feeling some compassion (if not total understanding) does take a lot of the pain and anger away. 
