I myself am struggling with whether or not to call my husband. The last time I spoke to him was last saturday and he seemed irritated with me. So, I've not contacted him at all for 6 days.
Today I sent him a cute ecard, just a friendly hi, nothing more.
I'm thinking I should wait until he responds to the card...but I oh so badly am wanting to call so I can see how he responds.
At the same time, I don't want my good feelings to be based on our relationship any more. I want to have my moods completely independent of his. Is this realistic or is it more likely that a couple will slightly influence each other.
Of course, his mood isn't influencing me at the moment, it's his no contact that has me flumoxed.
It seems like you are making great progress at keeping your mood up despite what mood she has.
Funny how things just creep up in our minds sometimes . Looking at the calender, I have just realized that on Christmas morning, I will not be with my daughter.
Ya, we (wife and I) have talked about doing something just the three of us on the 25th in the afternoon, but I'm talking about CHRISTMAS MORNING, when my daughter will wake up and see the presents under the tree and truely believe in Santa...but not at Dad's.
is it not possible to ask wife if you could be there when d wakes to see the presents from santa...they are only young for such a short time and it really doesn't seem fair that you should be robbed of one of the many joys of your childs life simply because w is...well you know. LL
That is entirely possible, but is thsi how it will be for the rest of our lives...I have to ask permission to be there at some very special moments! What if she says: Sure I'll call the minute she wakes up. That is no good either! I have sent her an e-mail (absolutely NOTHING bad in it...not even a bad vibe!) and will wait to see her reaction. It may end up fixing itself quite well...and I am panicing for nothing at the moment. Better to wait and see!
steph,
you sound like you've really gotten "control" of yourself..and are now handeling things with the right attitude!!!
yes the holidays will be hard...I would imagine christmas especially with a little one...while my h was adimant about d...christmas was very much in my mind...I knew at least that the kids would wake here in their own home as for the six months he was "completely" out they stayed here every night with me...he came here to be with them... weather or not I would have let him stay to wake with them that morning I do not know at different times no way...others well maybe...but then our moods do change on this roller coaster don't they...
christmas is a special day for families with little ones especially those early ones when the kiddos are still in awe of it all...I would hope your wife would be willing to let you either come over in the wee hours before d wakes or be so kind as to allow you the couch..
if not well then theres always next year when she will be more into it and be at your place (i'd hope you'd swap years if it came to it)
keep up with the detaching there's nothing wrong with it...in the months prior to my h deciding he wanted to try to work on the m, I often thought to myself...I almost don't want him to come back because then I will have to be the one to make the descision if I want to work on the m or not.
LL
OK, I WAS going to a B-day party with d, but B-day boy had a little brother on the way and, in case he decided to come into the world at this moment, there was ulternate date set up. The problem is, my wife had been told this week that the party had been put off...but somehow FORGOT to tell me (even after I had spoken to her TODAY about going to buy the gift) AARRRG !!!! So I show up only to look like a complete idot in a marriage where there seems to be NO communication! Sorry, but I DID call my wife...did not wait...told her. Of course, she appologizes about a gazillion times, but I am still mad! GGRRRR
As for Christmas, her response was : I could go over to your place once she has woken up. NO GOOD says I! She said that Santa would be arriving on the 24th anyways...to which I added, with some confusion: But she wont be here on the 24th either! So I miss out double!
We agreed to talk about it at a later date...but my goal was to let her know HOW IMPORTANT this was for ME. Again, we'll see where this leads.
I agree with LL, ask w if you can spend the night Christmas Eve, plain and simple. The worst that she'll say is No, right?Then go from there and compromise on a solution. You sound like you have discovered yourself a little more these past few weeks.Must be a great feeling, keep it up. Have some fun too! See ya Sue
Well, I think this is it. I have given it my best shot, but there are no longer any steps in the right direction. Only the Status quo. We get along, and that is important, for our daughter, but the love we once had is no longer.
I am a bit sad, but at peace...it no longer breaks me apart. I will try to make a life for myself without my wife at my side.
She is not coming to the C session on Monday...and not because I did not ask her, she told me, it was her choice and I respect that. It will also give me a chance to discuss certain thing with my C.
As for Christmas...we are trying to work on something. She realizes that I will miss out, but what can we do. She does not seem openend to me going over to her place (and she WILL be coming home rather late on the 24th/25 in the morning). But we did discuss the fact that neither one of us wants to deprive the other of that joyous morning, its just that we dont know really how to solve the problem. Still some time left.
My daughter, that is what makes me sad, not my wife. I dont feel like I will miss my wife as much as my daughter on Christmas morning. I shall have to wait till next year!
My wife said goodbye, talk to you in a couple of days. She has NO intention of getting closer...and that is fine. I shall miss her dearly, but will thrive never the less.
Steph, as i have read on other threads, they say it's not over till it's over.Take the time with c to air your feelings and concerns, and go from there.
You have a beautiful daughter to enjoy and having kids is a main reason we have to be strong and know that we will survive what ever is dealt to us. Sue
The last time I spoke to him was last saturday and he seemed irritated with me. So, I've not contacted him at all for 6 days. 
I want to have my moods completely independent of his. Is this realistic or is it more likely that a couple will slightly influence each other. 
. Looking at the calender, I have just realized that on Christmas morning, I will not be with my daughter.