Well, I've read all your posts all week. Saoked in the knowledge and wise words, and have started to look at my actions, my feelings. Here is what I have come up with!
I HAVE detached more than I ever thought I would...that in itself is not bad. It is an emotional detachment that brings me peace and trabquility.
I HAD also detached physically...no contact, no desire to spend ANY time with my wife. This HAS to change. We are parents and former lovers. We will have contact for the rest of our lives...I must get over the anger, focus on ME, not her, and learn to enjoy her company again (More on this later )
I must let her deal with her issues, not let her affect me, listen and shut up. There will be no fixing...of her, her situation or otherwise. That means letting her deal with our daughter when she has her and her guilt when she does not. So, I must start to initiate SOME contact, but not interfere with her time with d. And I will longer run to her assistance everytime she has a hard time with the little one! Or everytime she is lonely. MY time with daughter is just as important and I will not always welcome my wife because she is lonely and misses us (daughter mostly )
On the idea of enjoying her company again, I have, in the last two days, made some attempts to reconnect: I called just to say hi! She seemed puzzled, but pleased. This morning, while running errands 2 blocks from her office, I dropped in unannounced, brought her a coffee, did NOT stay, said have a good day. Again, she lokked surprized, but pleased! Our little one is going to a B-day party...I am going too , I went out, bought a gift, called my wife to tell her what I bought, and simply stated "I will add your name to the card." Silence, and then a thank you. She seemed down, so I told her. She said that she will miss our daughter for the upcoming week (It is my week starting tonight) and then simply added "But that is how its gonna be from now on right?" More a question than a statement. I said nothing...if it does remain that way, it is not really my decision...so I said nothing, will not fall for it anymore, will not appease or amplify her guilt and loneliness. Not out of anger...simply can no longer FIX her or try to! As she was seeming down, I was seeming up beat. I told her to have a nice weekend and that was it! Very cheerfull and no comments on her comments .
Other than that...I am me, I am happy, she is affecting me less and less. The ball is truely in her court...she must move next for I will not (I will move, simply not vecessarily in her direction! ).
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