Let me explain what I was referring to with regard to my issue with total emotional openness.
The bullying and two very difficult relationships seemed to have made me understand, subconciously, that being open with emotions to do with love and pain always ended with huge hurting and destruction of that relationship. I had some very helpful counselling many years ago that helped me understand why I picked the wrong sort of partner.
But I didn't realise that the subconcious connection between emotional openness and destruction hadn't been sorted out.
When I met and loved my wife and realised that this really was the love of my life, for all the right reasons, and I truly wanted to be with her for the rest of my days (I had never been able to say that honestly about any other previous woman) subconciously I isolated any idea of being deeply emotional because, again subconciously, that was the way that I could protect myself from ever losing J.
