I'll have to channel a tiny blackfoot to sit on my shoulder and say, "WTF? So the house is getting dusty. BFD. Don't you dare get out that dust rag. What? You're still planning on making a nice Sunday dinner for the two of you to enjoy after you put DD5 to bed? Don't you think you'd rather spend the afternoon doing something you WANT to do, and then open a can of chili, heat it in the microwave, and sit in front of the TV with a beer?"

Well, if you enjoy canned chili, and beer great. personally Id hand her a honey do list that had 'Dusting' on it.
You both work hard, so make sure that hard work and equivalencey finds it way home too. Im not above doing house work but I am totally agains respect sapping man servant work.

Also I would be more inclined to find something to do sunday and tell her, 'Your turn to cook. I want fillintheblank for dinner, lets eat around 7pm' The other way seems punitive and withdrawing.
Tell her what you want. Let her care for you. or find out if she wont. If she didnt want to be there, and didnt want to care for you she wouldnt be there.

The thing I see with burg and cobra with that 'or what' scenario is that they feel there has to be some repercussions. They dont realize that a woman will do it, simply out of feminine respect for the masculine.

This is a lame analogy, but Ive ridden horses since I was weelittle. If your comfortable and familiar around them you can just walk up and be around them and lead them around.
Why in the world does this 1800 # animal that could kick/stomp/bite willing follow and or allow you to lead it around?
however, if someone who is unfamiliar or scared of a horse tries to walk up and timidly and gingerly pick up the reins though, you will see the animal shiegh and snort and back away and roll its eyes. The person does the same thing. they jerk back wave the arms and scare the horse more.

back to 'or what'. I understand that with burg cause his wife is havin an affair and they say ultimatums arent good. Very possibly cobras wife is so hard that she has to have consequeces. your wife may be that way too HD. But in my experience over and over that women will simply do what you tell them to, because you told them too. you can simply say
'Do this', or
'Dont' or
'Stop'.
its not ivy league debate team level speech.
and from what I see of you, you arent comfortable with or experienced with simply telling a woman to do something for you.

I can hear the objections.
'It cant be that simple.'

dont get me wrong. they test, and they squint and they belly ache and they even say NO a lot. but if you dont react, never placate, and dont worry about it.... well then they do it.

Im going to share a quick example with you. Ive mentioned it before
prior to our reconcil x and I were at thanksgiving with family. With one exception at the beginning of the night when she said something snotty to me about why the affair started, and I told her to take some responsibilty for her actions, (immediate boundary, not taking any crap from her) and her family stared at her and waited expectantly while she twisted with no reply, it was a pretty good and smooth night. So I was driving her back to her parents house, and she suddenly just went into complete b1tch mode.

I slammed on the brakes while pulling over, slammed my hand on the dash and said " I am putting up with enough sh1t from you right now. I dont know who you are when you start acting like that towards me, but I will NOT TOLERATE IT!!" I turned on the radio fairly loud and started driving. a couple minutes passed, she turned down the radio and started up conversation all nicey nicey again.

There was no 'or what'. It was simply a statement. a command.

Now I admit I had too much power in my M...I guess... but the problems in my R happened when I stopped requiring, and dropped all my boundaries. The more I required respect garnering bounderies, prior to our Reconcil the better things got. There was never any 'or what'. she knew I didnt want a divorce.

I still engage it successfully extensively. Im just not comfortable giving examples.

The only reason to not tell her what you want, is fear. Fear that she doesnt care. Have some faith in her. She wants to know who you are, what you want, what your thinking, you just have to tell her how.
When she says no --just look at her and let her simmer in how uncaring of you she is. She allready admitted that she wants to be a better wife. Your IN.