I dont think your H was cheerful becuase he picked on you. He was cheerful because dinner was good, and you didnt personalize. If you didnt say anything, he has no idea. I doubt he would even remember saying it. I also like that you just ignored it. it appeared that you didnt personalize it, but you still did. let it go, or make a boundary.
come up with a few simple replies that will cover all of his crappy behavior. When we act like jerk's doesnt mean you have to personalize it.
Enforce your boundaries for being treated well.
Mojo's was funny but you cant always be witty, especially when its chronic. I think I would die of laughter and have to attack a woman with hugs and kisses who could come up with that on the spur of the moment.
Mrs Nop mentioned in HD's thread she had to say, paraphrased " Im tired, Im at my limit. I cant take anymore." in regard to some undefined issue.
telling me I am not a good conversationalist reply, 'neither are you, your always picking on me. Im sick of it.' (silence) repeat as necessary.
'You can say thank you for dinner, you can ask about my day, you can talk about work, or you can be quiet, but your not picking on me.
'whats wrong with you, didnt your mother teach you to not talk unless you have something nice to say' (double meaning in that one)
'Listen im tired of your negativity drip drip dripping on me. Go find something productive to do and leave me alone untill you can be nice to me.
being able to humorously redirect comes from confidance inside. eventually enough is enough, and you have to smack em. You would actually be a good conversationalist at that point.
Conversation is just listening, taking what they say, turning it around and throwing it back.
Can you find anything about your H that you find attractive, that revs you up (and you can tell him about) or can you only find your desire by fantasizing, or when he has one foot out the door? Im not being sarcastic, Im sincerely curious.
BF, Thank you for your reply. I didn't say anything about the negative comment because there were a lot of positives and I didn't want one thing to ruin the whole picture. I just don't get why he has to throw in a jab here and there...our lives would be so much nicer without it. But I am determined not to let the jabs interfere with the progress I have made in terms of intimacy.
I like your responses, and I am going to keep posting the jabs to get ideas on how to better handle them. I know they come from a place within H where he isn't feeling good with himself, so overall I don't personalize the way I used to. And he does offer so much of the good stuff now that I would be doing myself a disservice if I only focused on the problematic stuff.
I appreciate your paying attention to the kooky stuff that revs me up...I do want to change this. At baseline I am LD for the typical lovey-dovey stuff that's supposed to turn on normal people. But I can learn. And maybe I just protect myself because my H does throw in the jabs, so it's hard to connect to him out of a sense of love. Physically he is a beautiful man though I don't tell him that enough...I guess emotionally it's been difficult and I am screwed up from it all.
