Well, I cracked, caled my wife...haven't spoken to her since Tuesday, and that was a two second affair. But all is good. I have been invited to the skating lessons. I will probably go, but I think I will stay in the bleechers this time . Also, Santa Clause Parade is tomorow, so that has also been discuused.
Lost a bit. Let her be COMPLETELY, or spend some family time together again. MAN, I would love to go see Santa!
Well, Santa didn't happen. I went to the rink but not on the ice. My wife had a hard time but it seemes ok. No hard feelings or anything. We then proceded to go to her place. Once there, she was complaining about a car parked in front of her laneway, about the construction, about our daughter being tired and tiring. I did not even go inside. Excused myself, said she and daughter looked tired and that we were perhaps flirting with disaster if we dragged her out to the Santa Clause parade. I told daughter I would take her next Saturday (there's another parade...this one in the evening, with lights and all ). My wife asked me if I was leaving because of her mood. I simply said they both seemed tired, said my goodbyes and left. In the afternoon and early evening, she called 3 times. At one point, I only took the dog out for 5 minutes, came back in and found a message on my phone...I listen to it, my wife wanted to tell me a funny story about our daughter. Before I could call her back, she called again and said "Didn't you get my message?" "Sure" I said, but hadn't even gotten the chance to call back.
So it seems she is calling for very small things, and I dont know why. I have stopped contacting her for these everyday things, and now she starts. I think she felt bad about her moddiness and wanted to see if that was the reason why I left. Or maybe she is trying to show me that now she is in a good mood. All I know is that removing myself from the situation is probably the best thing I could have done. It broke that pursuit cycle. I did not run after her to see what was bothering her and in so doing, I did not get involved in HER drama!
I'm gonna keep this up. The ball is truely in her court now. Tonight, I am going to the movies with a friend (yes, a woman friend). It's not a date, but she is a good friend and makes me feel good about myself and I get to go to the movies without worrying about how I act, what I say, how I act. I dont feel like I can truely be myself with my wife at the moment. I am a very touchy feely type of guy. All of my friends (men and women alike) get hugs and pats on the back, and goodbye kisses. This would not only be natural with my wife but with any friend. Friday night, I went out with a bunch of friends to celebrate a buddys B-day, and this fact hit me, that I just acted like me, gave and recieved hugs and kisses, being in a good mood, being me. I no longer have that with my wife. She tenses up, ractes in a negative fashion to any simple touch, and that adds to the stress, to the unatural feel of our time together.
Just babbling...probably coming off as a total freak here
No you are not a freak, you are human with mixed emotions. Your w wants to be in your liefe, yet she doesn't . Who wouldn't be unsure.Guess this is the journey that you have to decide if you can hold on long enough to see where it goes.I am realizing that piecing and holding on to a m can't have a time frame,everything else in life has a deadline.Question is how much can we take? A lot of us have been at this for several months which is nothing compared to what we are trying to achieve. If I could only know that the end will be a happy, healthy marriage, I would wait forever, but not knowing inspires us to try our best and learning something new each day about ourselves that helps us to continue. SOrry, now I am babbling There is so much good and hope for you and your w and of course your d!! Sue
good job steph, things sound like they are turning, you sound good and are realizing some important things!! see how good you can feel when you simply remove yourself from their drama.... it's not about you it's about them. keep up the new attitude!!! LL
Yes, like she does not actualy make me happy, I do not always enjoy her company, she is difficult and demanding, and even though Michele says I have to change cause my wife wont, I cant simply accept that I will be the one to make every effort, be conscious of HER needs and wants and sometimes simply forgo mine!
Quote: I cant simply accept that I will be the one to make every effort, be conscious of HER needs and wants and sometimes simply forgo mine!
you won't be the sole one making the effort, things will change as you step out of the sit, just as you are realizing that she does not (or rather is not responsible for your happiness) "make" you happy, you cannot make her happy, if she is down or bothered or upset (like after the skating) it is not for you to get involved in... it is currently her issue to deal with.
and by focussing less and less on her you can start to focus more on you and your own needs. LL
Her efforts are ackward and many times useless. She has attacked my personality recently and this weekend, I noticed that I did not attack her when she was in a foul mood, simply removed myself from the situation. I have already told you that, but then I have to wonder: If she is unaware that her mood swings and so disruptive, then she will see no need to change, and I will ALWAYS be the one to remove myself. This I see as unfair! OK, you can tell me its petty, but it builds resentment and takes away much of my desire to spend time with her and our daughter. So if I always REMOVE MYSELF, how is that going to work? I want to be happy and laughing, and doing fun things like we used to...not spend my time "removing myself", walking on eggshells in the hopes of NOT triggering a mood swing (which I used to do anyways). I see this as being further away from being reality and, more importantly, further away from my heart. Its just to damn heavy!
This weekend taught me that being my normal, light hearted self, feels damn good, and that seems imposible around my wife lately. She introduces a level of frustration and stress that I do not wish to share! I am more than happy being on my own right now, doing things with friends, relaxing alone and yes, going on very light hearted "dates", where nothing serious is expected or even desired, just out to a movie and being able to be me, having fun, and recieving the same in return!
Quote: This weekend taught me that being my normal, light hearted self, feels damn good, and that seems imposible around my wife lately. She introduces a level of frustration and stress that I do not wish to share!
and she may realize that it is not you that creat the dis ease but her... if you can be happy on your own and be happy in general even around her or "in spite" of her mood.. then perhaps she will start to do some work on her end... and if not then you know that you are fully capable of being happy with out her...
. Also, Santa Clause Parade is tomorow, so that has also been discuused.
). My wife asked me if I was leaving because of her mood. I simply said they both seemed tired, said my goodbyes and left. In the afternoon and early evening, she called 3 times. At one point, I only took the dog out for 5 minutes, came back in and found a message on my phone...I listen to it, my wife wanted to tell me a funny story about our daughter. Before I could call her back, she called again and said "Didn't you get my message?" "Sure" I said, but hadn't even gotten the chance to call back.