Your flailing. Why do you take to heart all the stuff your H says? When I am working on things, I grumble and curse and bitch when things arent flowing smoothly too, whether its because I misplaced my hammer, or the bolt wont line up with the hole, or at the software programmer who clog up the clients on the domain with spyware, or because I miscalculated my routing tables.
It would really tick me off, if my woman said 'just dont do it then.' What? quit because of adversity? what kind of support is that?
Your empathic abilities keep you in a tizzy. Get a grip on em.
Did your H leave? Did he quit his job? So why are you still focused on that stuff? Why are you worried about what 'could' possible happen. What happened the last time your H quit his job? Did your family make it thru?
When he talks about quitting have you ever tried agreeing with him that his job is crappy, you understand if he wants to quit, and that you trust him to do whats best for your family?
Ive been ruminating again, (maybe I am the cow. )
You compared the R to a farmer and cow with a fence.
Im going to compare women (the R monitor) to a smoke alarm.
I was going to use oxygen monitors on a rebreather, because I have three in case one goes dead, and they are programmable(smarter), but it would get too complicated.
now we know that the smoke alarm is very important. but the smoke alarm squaks at any percieved threat. It doesnt matter if its a match, a cigar, dinner burning on the stove, or a real fire. Some people know how to check for real danger, hit the button when it squaks about a match and quiet it down. (good leader) Some people run around in a panic (or out the door) every time it squaks. (placater/supplicator/no boundaries), untill the battery goes dead, and the house burns down, and some get tired of the squaking and pull the battery on it because it squaks everytime there is a cigar, and the house burns down. (egotistical knowitalls/hardheaded a$$monkeys).
Moral. Since your the fire alarm. Save your battery. Know when to squak, and dont worry about what you cant control. I know at the beginning of this I was asking you to show more masculing energy, but figure out which issues are serious, and squak appropiately about those. I see that your H is leaving you in a leadership void right now, but there is nothing 'wrong' with your R right now.
Maybe thats whats wrong with your R?
If you want to be radically honest ask him What he wants to accomplish in the next few months or years. If he doesnt know, reply 'huh. that must suck.' Its not your job to fix it. Its your job to control your perspective.
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