OK, some say I can be really in tune with the feelings of others and right now I sense you have a dislike of OW OK - joking aside, there is a lot of anger in you. In my sitch I had a lot of anger as well and I ended up mildly depressed for a couple of months. (didn't want to see friends, talk to anyone, crying for no reason, got sorted with C, didn't need meds). So - what I'm saying is be aware that this can lead to getting the blues and more...anger which isn't released often manifests as depression, but we are all different and what happened to me might not happen to you. I suppose if this hatred/anger drags on, and you can't get it released then you may well need to bring it up in MC, if you do be careful not to attack H but present it as an opportunity to clear the air, draw a line under it and move forward. OK - that's my tuppenceworth. Take care, this isn't easy I know.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
You know SD, I think you need to look at it like this. What do YOU want, you want H and your M. So the OW stuff is just that stuff, a bump in the road, something to go around. You need to acknowledge that it has made you mad as hell that he did this, it isn't fair you need to rant and rave and call her every name in the book and him too for doing this to you, cry it out, yell it out, but do it alone or with a counselor. And then when you are all emotioned out and feel empty think about what you want and what emotions you want to replace that hate and jealously. And concentrate on those feelings and let them replace the angry ugly feelings. and then remember that the snooping will only bring back the ugly feelings. I too can be a snooper, when I get the urge I remember that I cannot control him, he can be doing what ever he wants when he is not with me and I can't stop him or control him, only me and my feelings. I have to deal with that, I have to trust for my sake, not his, snooping is not an act of trust, it make me feel like hell even when I find nothing. So I don't do it because for me it is a one way trip to crazy town. I will admit to not being perfect and if there is something obvious in front of my face, I will glance, but that is all, I don't go looking.
I hope you can get through this, I still have to work on it, I suspect this is a big deal to a lot of us LBS's part of the whole trust thing
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
Can't believe it's been so long since I posted....
As time goes by, it gets easier. I find myself thinking less and less about this past summer and just enjoying my life. It's a process.
Two notable events:
1. H is turning 40 next week, and I'm throwing him a surprise party. It's WAY out of the box for me, and I've accepted that as long as we have food, drink, and people, it will be a success!
2. H and I had a convo about MC and agreed we really only have one last issue to talk about, and that's what we're going to do about having kids. We're actually on the same page, but it will be nice to have someone facilitate that conversation.
Honestly, H and I have changed how we interact with each other and he's a lot more in tune, so I think it's time to wean off of MC. In a way that makes me sad....
Anyway, that's what's up in this neck of the woods!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
H and I had been trying to get preggers for 3+ years when all of this started to happen. We've both been tested, and there's no *good* reason why it hasn't. Honestly, I believe in my heart of hearts that this has to do with a lot of issues we both needed to work on, and the universe knew better than to send us a child.
In any case, H has developed an appreciation and love for children (something he was unsure about), and I now trust we will be a team rather than me the heavy and he the pushover. We only want one, and as we are both getting older, it's now or never. This was an issue he wanted to talk through with the MC, not sure exactly what he wants to say as we pretty much talk to each other honestly these days, but it's really the last "big" thing either of us can think of.....
On another note: H's surprise 40th b-day party was FANTASTIC! He was really, really surprised and incredibly touched. I started planning this back when things were bad, acting "as if" so to speak, and I'm glad I did. It was a great success, and a night H will remember forever. It felt good to do something like this for him AND for me, as it was WAAAAAY out of my box. More than a 180 though I know that's mathematically impossible!
I even invited the snatch...still can't stand the sight of her...hope that goes away soon...
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
WOO HOO SD - still following along. Glad the party went well and the skank ho bag was invited - what a great chance for her to see she is TOTALLY out of the picture!!!!
Kids ....ohh good luck, let us know what gets discussed, I know you and H talk honetly these days but it's such a big thing and piecing can be a little "clunky" at times, a little ebb and flow..sometimes seems great, now and then seems like the bad days might be coming back...IMO I think it's work certainly getting the discussion ball rolling in MC.
Glad to hear everything is going well though!!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
