steph, I understand how you feel, you don't want your d to miss out on something she enjoys just to show your wife that you wont be there for her, but this is the way it is, if mommy keeps letting d down then she will have no one to blame when d continues to be cold to her.
before my separation, I did all (well h would come up and kiss s good night) h did what he wanted came and went at his choosing and most often chose not to be around. when we separated h came to see the kids on set nights and on sundays... at first i stayed to help with the kids as i knew daddy's way tended to be tv plus he hadn't spent much time alone with son let alone be left alone with two of them (son 3 and d 6 months at the time) well on this past fathers day (in the past I would have had both families over for a bbq) i left h alone with two kiddos and went off to do whatever i damn well pleased, had lunch with friends and once i accepted the fact that i had a right to my own life as h always had it was great i almost didn't want to go home. that day my cell phone rang 5 times!!! h calling leaving no message so he wasn't looking for diapers or anything. I continued to not be around when he was here for his visits, actually even started going out on the nights that he was here too (sometimes i'd get home late and he'd be asleep on the couch) soon i decided hey what about the weekends for me??? got h to come every other sat night and stay sunday as usual so that i could go out and not have to wake in the am... point i'm trying to make is when we make it easy for them we make it hard for ourselves. of course son had a better routine when i did it all and was always there for him but what good did it really do. thing is h didn't learn how to be a daddy or even appreciate being a daddy till I backed off and let him. yea i'm sure w would rather not get on the ice with d, but if she's given no choice (you not being there to do it for her) she may just find she enjoys it!!! LL
