try not to be angry, she is feeling guilty and that is not such a bad thing means she is realizing what she is doing to her family.... as you said to rachel there is no need to finger point. perhaps your anger will help you to detach a bit from her and her drama.
hell my three year old refers to this house as his and when i ask who lives here he says himself,dd and me. i ask where does daddy live and he says "at his office" nice! but that is not my problem it is h's problem.

don't let it be your problem.
LL