Need advice

[want2believe]

Journaling...
Have not been contacing WAH. Yesterday after work WAH called from the business to let me know of some problems he was going to have to fix. I asked if he needed me to do anything. WAH said no at first, than changed his mind. I went down to help. After about 10 minutes, WAH does give me a kiss. Then right before we're ready to leave, WAH mentions a form we need more copies of. I said I noticed. WAH said he told me this a while ago. I explained what I remembered about the situation. I could tell WAH was getting pissed off at me - because he doesn't remember it the same way, I'm lying - type of pissed off. I finally just turn to him and say "I can tell your pissed off at me, so I'll just leave." and I promptly left.

It pissed me off though too. I felt like no matter what I say, anything could trigger his annoyance,anger at me. I tried to call his cell phone as I wanted to let him know how I felt, but luckily he didn't answer. I didn't leave a message. I thought about it for a while, and I wasn't going to call, but wait to see if he called. After a while longer though, I just decided for my own sanity, I needed to let him know how I felt. I was much calmer though at this point. WAH did answer this time, and as we talked, he said that maybe what I was right and he'd forgotten. I told him, I could be wrong also, but that was what I remembered. I mentioned that we could have different views on things, but he didn't need to get so pissed off at me. He said he wasn't. I told him that his actions and tone of voice came across like he was. WAH said hadn't meant that. WAH also seemed in a good mood, but said he had to go get his dinner out of the oven, and he'd talk to me later.

Today I went to the business, as the employee who was suppose to work today, couldn't. I had told WAH I'd take the day off today to work there, since he said his boss wanted at least a days notice when he took off. Not a biggy as I have more vacation than WAH does I need to use up, and I could use some time off.
WAH was there at the business when I got there, still trying to find a part locally. After about 5 minutes, WAH pulls me to him and gives me a kiss. Felt good. WAH left shortly afterwards for work. Too cold to open up the automatic wash, so I came home for a while.

Right now I'm feeling pretty good. I think I've come to terms with the fact that WAH may not come back. I'm not going to try and get him to come back either. Don't get me wrong, I want him back, but not if he continues to think this is all just my fault. I know there are things I've done wrong, but he also needs to admit and show me he's working on changing some things in himself. WAH needs to continue to show me he wants to be with me. The sad part is our S's. I've asked both of them recently if they miss having their F around. One said "no" the other said he really hasn't notice a difference. WAH has a lot to work on.

WAH just came up the driveway. Got to go.