My H literally never complains about anything to do with how I dress, take care of the house, behave in the R or anything. Once in a blue moon we will discuss a parenting issue that he sees differently. However, I remain convinced that he has aspirations, goals and a vision of marriage/homelife that isn't being perfectly met. He just won't discuss it nor be a party to any discussions that involve my suggestion that he must have some thoughts about how I could improve as a wife/person/lover.
I'm not suggesting that you should or could do anything to fix whatever Mr. MJ fails to verbalize. However, like with my H, I suspect that Mr. MJ probably has much more going on than meets the eye and that he is capable of more than he is putting out. However, his depression, FOO, personality, whatever block him from asking for what he wants (not just b*tching about ugly shoes) or for that matter, trying to meet more of your needs. If you don't stay, it will be this reason that will ultimately, be the cause. It won't be because he wouldn't participate in a sex life, it won't be because he is mopey complaining about his "job" and his "life" - it will be because he didn't participate in finding a solution to those things. That position is difficult to respect. My ex-H was a chronic complainer about his sucky "life" - believe me, I understand. That alone made it ever so much easier for me to walk away especially after he laid waste to his sucky job and life via lost jobs, legal charges, burned bridges etc...
My question for you is - if your H already failed the litmus test then what is keeping you there? If you don't want to look at it as a cost/benefit analysis of a sort (there are emotions involved so it isn't quite that really)- then what is the appropriate determinant of when it hurts too much to stay? I must profess that I do believe that your M is workable if only because you are one heck of a lady............
