MrsNop: thanks for putting the pieces together from your posts like that. This type of response, to her "or what?", seems very similar to my "index card" presentation, albeit without the cards.
You know, if it turns into some sort of a stand-off, and I actually have to start being "less invested" in completing the items on her list, it's going to be one of those "hard habits to break." I'll have to channel a tiny blackfoot to sit on my shoulder and say, "WTF? So the house is getting dusty. BFD. Don't you dare get out that dust rag. What? You're still planning on making a nice Sunday dinner for the two of you to enjoy after you put DD5 to bed? Don't you think you'd rather spend the afternoon doing something you WANT to do, and then open a can of chili, heat it in the microwave, and sit in front of the TV with a beer?"
And there, in stand-off land, is where my resolve will face hers. That place, actually, is a big part of what makes me avoid confrontation with her initially. Stand-off land sucks, and, although it's quieter than confrontation-land (yelling vs. silent treatment), it's no less stressful.
I just have to continue to tell myself that we're here because I have tried hard to respond to her requests, waited for her to get around to dealing with my requests, decided that I'd waited long enough, made a reasonable request, and she refuses to comply, refuses to even respect me enough to consider it. I know I'm predicting things here, but it seems more probable than her saying, "okay."
