The one that has the "I think of leaving you every single day" struck a chord, although I could see W getting off on the "threat" tangent. Yes, the less said, the better.
I hazard the guess that you do spend mental energy every day thinking about getting out. Ultimately, you do yourself and the marriage a disservice by not making her aware of just how deeply the damage is in your current marriage.
As to the threat thing - yeah, I felt the same way when NOP said "I can't keep doing this." in regards to our SSM. But it wasn't truly a threat. It was an assessment of his mental and emotional capabilities of continuing in the marital situation we were in.
At another time I told him in regards to an issue that we were dealing with, "I'm not a superhero, I have limitations on what I can handle over an extended length of time, we've got to get to some resolution on this because I'm reaching my emotional limit."
"Is that a threat?"
I pondered a moment and said, "no" although I could see how it could be interpreted that way. We all recognize that we have physical limits. I have always been physically stronger than many women my size/age. So, I've never hesitated to grab the side of some huge box of stuff or couch, etc. There are times when the weight of the object is just beyond my capabilities. I can handle it for a short time and then when my muscles start trembling under the load, I have to stop.
So, I have said, "we'll have to figure something else out to deal with this because I physically can't do it anymore."
That's not a threat. It is an assessment. It is the truth.
At some point Harry, your (legitimate human) emotional limits are going to leave you open to great injury.
I know you may feel like it's a threat if you spoke it out loud. But remembering back to NOP's decision that this was going to be addressed in our marriage - the expression "I can't keep doing this" was said totally without anger, there was a certain sound of grieving it it, of regret.
Even in the whirlwind of my own emotions, his resolute, calm utterance (repeated often) made it sink in deeply.
That is key for you as your wife starts down the well worn ruts ruts of verbal anger - keep your response simple, "We can talk about that later, right now I would like to discuss a plan for the lack of sex in our marriage that can be implemented within one week."
