Well... this is where blackfoot's advice may come in handy.
Like I said, my BF did not take one brick out of my wall. What he did do was stand down there, looking up at me, telling me how pretty I looked, would I like to come down?
ME: Uhm. Maybe. You sure are cute.
So he climbed the brick wall, we had massive make-out sessions, we'd talk, him on one side of the wall, me on the other. Then he'd climb down and go about his business.
Meanwhile, I'm up in my castle, cleaning, doing laundry, floating around in my chemical haze, waiting for him to come climb back up my wall for another make-out session. So on and so forth.
But I could tell it was getting a bit exhausting for him to always climb up my wall, and I'd peer over, watching him down there, playing around, having fun, waving up at me. So one night, while he was all nestled, snug asleep, I took down a few layers of my wall. I'm sure he noticed the next morning, but as he is a gentleman, he didn't say anything. His smile just got bigger, his eyes just got a bit brighter, and his hug was a bit longer. Nothing for me to feel ashamed of, nothing for me to 'defend.'
So at night while he was sleeping, I'd take down more layers of wall, 'cuz man he looked like he was having fun out there in the world, and I sure did want to go out there with him. There were even a couple of times I'd try to scale down my wall; but as I don't climb so good, and I'm still afraid of heights, he'd wake up in the morning to see my azz hanging over the side, looking stupid and inept. But true to his form, he never brought it up. He'd just look the other way while I scrambled back over my wall and got busy cleaning my castle so I could regain a bit of my dignity.
And that's how it continues to go. My wall is low enough now that I've even jumped down and had him catch me a time or two. (Not that I like it all that much, but he is very strong, and it does feel good to be there in his arms... so... I get over it)
I stay out for longer and longer periods of time. I look back at my castle... still run back to it from time to time, but it is lonely in there, and no one can live there but me. Out there, he is waiting, and so are a lot of other folks who like to see me out in the sunshine, where it is warm.
He is kind and gentle and firm. When I hit a boundary, I know it. He doens't bark at me... but I know it. So I back off. We disagree, certainly, but we don't fight.
It is certainly not a perfect R, though I know I am making it sound so. He has his own walls, believe it or not, and I've had to do some experiementing with my own behaviors to see if I can help him in return.
So for you guys... what blackfoot is telling you has a ton of merit. When you make yourself so appealing to a woman, when you are secure in that lovely man form of yours, when you exhibit the traits and attitudes that are attractive to a woman, she climbs out. You have to be consistent and patient. Not for the reward, mind you, cause then you come across as fake... but you get so solid in your purpose and sense of self, she just can't help herself.
