I think I need to clear something up, lest you all think a sexual dynamo is lurking behind every LD.
I posted the scenario I did because HP asked me a very specific question, and I understood where she was coming from. But I have to say that it took me a very long time to get to a point where I could do what I described... taking 'control' and being emotionally present while doing so. It is very difficult to do what I described (and maintain a level of intimacy and vulnerability while doing it) if you are in any way pissed off or resentful or irritated. Hence my comment about it not working with my xH.
This didn't happen overnight with me, nor did it suddenly reappear because I was no longer married to xH. I carried the same reticent sexual qualities I had before into my new R. As the R progressed, and this man I am dating would continually surprise me (often acting and reacting in ways competely opposite of what I expected)... the walls I had built up over my life were not only useless, but they were getting in the way of what I wanted.
He didn't break down one brick of my wall(s). **I** began taking my own walls down.
I don't think it is ever difficult for an LD to be sexually in control, if they so choose. We all know I've never had a problem being controlling, for sure. But also, you all know, you can tell, even if you are having the romp of your life, if someone is with you. I had to learn not to shut down emotionally.
What I was describing to HP was not so much about technique (please, like she needs my help). I was describing a feminine mind set. An attitude. A different perspective. A way to turn inward and find the thing that turns yourself on... the desire, the passion that is there to want to please another... and in so doing, please yourself. This is new ground for a woman who has always had, at her fingertips, a ready supply of physical desire. I've not had that... but I do have, or at least I've found, an ample supply of emotional desire that I've found can fuel my own physical desire. That's what we were discussing.
