Yikes Corri! I had to check to make sure I hadn't accidently logged into somewhere else, then I had to go back twice and look at who was posting...Corri, WOW! Ummmmm, so now what do I do with this ? Who knew???
Corri, WOW! Ummmmm, so now what do I do with this ?
I... guess you put it in your pipe and smoke it.
Our guy blackfoot is not the only person on this board who has been keeping mental notes on how different actions get different reactions, and how different reactions can elicit different actions. The whole m/f dynamic, laws of attraction... it works, if you learn about it and start fiddling around with how to apply it.
I will second your ideas on teasing. That post of yours brought back some fond memories. I’ve been in that position and what I do remember at the time was the subtle yet clear intent of the woman to be in control, to take me to the edge, back me off, drive me wild, in almost a sadistic (but nice) way. It was in many ways a power trip for her. I remember sort of thinking that this might have been her way of turning the tables on men. I’ve experienced this with more than one woman (Damn I’m an idiot! Look what I ended up with!)
Sister Corri- I have to say that your post didn't surprise me none. I always knew that you had it in you. Back when you were with X my thought for you was "Why is she waiting for him to hand her the key when she clearly has her own 'brass in pocket'". (I hope you appreciate the reference being an Ohio girl-LOL).
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I’ve been in that position and what I do remember at the time was the subtle yet clear intent of the woman to be in control, to take me to the edge, back me off, drive me wild, in almost a sadistic (but nice) way. It was in many ways a power trip for her.
Good intuiting. That is why women who like giving BJs like giving BJs. It is what Schnarch is talking about when he uses the phrase "doing" someone. I think the "control" or the "teasing" aspect is the difference between "doing" someone or "f*cking" someone. If Corri had described a scene in which she "f*cked her BF's brains out", it would have been equally hot but the psychological vibe would have been different. Rather than being sexually assertive but "in control", she would have been sexually assertive but "out of control". Another way of describing it would be to say "I went crazy on him.". The woman is on top, though perhaps not literally, but her own desire has taken her out of control. OTOH, if Corri had described a scene in which she "made love" to her passive BF, it would probably be erotic but it might make you want to cry too.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I think I need to clear something up, lest you all think a sexual dynamo is lurking behind every LD.
I posted the scenario I did because HP asked me a very specific question, and I understood where she was coming from. But I have to say that it took me a very long time to get to a point where I could do what I described... taking 'control' and being emotionally present while doing so. It is very difficult to do what I described (and maintain a level of intimacy and vulnerability while doing it) if you are in any way pissed off or resentful or irritated. Hence my comment about it not working with my xH.
This didn't happen overnight with me, nor did it suddenly reappear because I was no longer married to xH. I carried the same reticent sexual qualities I had before into my new R. As the R progressed, and this man I am dating would continually surprise me (often acting and reacting in ways competely opposite of what I expected)... the walls I had built up over my life were not only useless, but they were getting in the way of what I wanted.
He didn't break down one brick of my wall(s). **I** began taking my own walls down.
I don't think it is ever difficult for an LD to be sexually in control, if they so choose. We all know I've never had a problem being controlling, for sure. But also, you all know, you can tell, even if you are having the romp of your life, if someone is with you. I had to learn not to shut down emotionally.
What I was describing to HP was not so much about technique (please, like she needs my help). I was describing a feminine mind set. An attitude. A different perspective. A way to turn inward and find the thing that turns yourself on... the desire, the passion that is there to want to please another... and in so doing, please yourself. This is new ground for a woman who has always had, at her fingertips, a ready supply of physical desire. I've not had that... but I do have, or at least I've found, an ample supply of emotional desire that I've found can fuel my own physical desire. That's what we were discussing.
What I was describing to HP was not so much about technique (please, like she needs my help). I was describing a feminine mind set. An attitude. A different perspective. A way to turn inward and find the thing that turns yourself on... the desire, the passion that is there to want to please another... and in so doing, please yourself. This is new ground for a woman who has always had, at her fingertips, a ready supply of physical desire. I've not had that... but I do have, or at least I've found, an ample supply of emotional desire that I've found can fuel my own physical desire. That's what we were discussing.
Dang, Corri. Even when you try to minimize it, you end up turning us guys on.
btw, I believe HP did need your help with technique, and she thanked you for it. Don't underestimate yourself.
Hairdog, with the thanks of a grateful nation . . . of men.
Corri, Yup, I know it is something that takes a great deal of self confidence and feeling at ease with yourself and your mate. Part of it, I think, is getting comfortable enough with yourself to be willing to a) turn yourself on and b)carry enough heat to turn on your lover (not to mention turning on all us poor saps out here who are wishing their wives could find it within themselves as well ). I know darn well that there is only one person who can take down a particular wall, and I also know that there isn't a shot in Haides that even one brick is going to come off the wall until the person inside feels safe enough, and motivated enough to start peeking over the wall to see what else is out there. I'm trying hard to just foster that safe feeling, and failing miserably at it.
--GGB, getting really tired of pedalling around with these draggy noisy training wheels, but also tired of falling over every time he tries out the big-boy bike without the training wheels.
I hear what you are saying, that is why I mentioned that I didn't think my W was ready for something like that (or more directly, our R is not ready for something like that).
I just gained some realization of my own, perhaps independant of the specific point you were trying to make, about how my sexuality could be overwhelming to her, and that letting her take control and see where it goes might be something worth exploring. I can see how that me leading EVERY TIME could cause her to never face her own sexuality, or in a more cynical POV, provide a back door for her to not have to face her sexuality. I can see how her not having to make decisions about what happens next could stifle her sexuality before it has a chance to get started. Kindof parallel to the notion that when you have to work at something, it gives it more personal value in the end.
But as I said, at this point in the R, my W deciding to take charge of her sexuality is remote. Well, unless you include supression as taking control. Baby steps.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
? Who knew???