Good for you, IP, you are handling it all beautifully, I think. That would be tough for me to let H be with his friends, because he hasn't made himself trustworthy yet, and I wouldn't know whether or not he was where he said he was.
It sounds like yall are doing so well. You ask if it really is that big a step from kissing you on the lips to a proper kiss? Well, think about the step from sleeping in the other room, to now sleeping in the same bed. Not such a big step, really, but it feels like a huge leap, doesn't it? L
Cat - I think it is maybe exactly as you said and I have really tried to reassure him that things will be OK. He agrees with me though that everything else is great appart from this area and that he would also class things as perfect once we are kissing etc. It was great to hear him say that! I'm just scared he's going to decide to leave because he can't be like that with me anymore.
Hi L - You're right it did feel like a huge step from the spare room. I do keep forgetting how far we've come in just a few weeks. H and I were discussing this last night actually and its like I pointed out to him - I keep forgetting how far we've come because things are going so so very well. He says he needs to think about it. I said I'm scared that if he thinks about it he'll leave and he said he hasn't come back to fail which nearly made me cry! I know I have to be patient some more its just very hard because we are getting on so well and having a great time and it seems like a natural progression to me and its hard to not think of it. Being with him and not arguing like we used to makes me love him more and more.
I think you two are really doing well, going slowly and taking care not to hurt each other. He sounds like he is really being caring with you, that's major, I think.
I think you two are really doing well, going slowly and taking care not to hurt each other. He sounds like he is really being caring with you, that's major, I think.
Yeah I think you're right L. Although he does hurt me every day but that is really because of my oversensitive reactions to things at the minute not because he is intending to. As for the going slowly. Well as you know I'm really not wanting to go this slow but like we all know its their timetable not ours.
I am the same way. I don't want to take it slowly either. I rerally want to take him by the shoulders and shake the crap out of him and say STOP THIS CRAP AND LET'S BE LIKE WE USED TO BE WHEN IT WAS GOOD !!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I am alright, now, just had to say that. You are right, it is their timetable, not ours, and we have to be good and patient and sweet and nice, and like Mary Poppins, and remember that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, and that we will get back a hundredfold what we lost, and that all will be just fine and dandy one day.
Right in theory L just not that easy to do is it. I'm really struggling. I'm completely and utterly fed up to the back teeth with it all. Like you say LETS JUST STOP THIS AND GET BACK TO HOW IT SHOULD BE MAN!!!!!!!!!!! I'm totally ..... off with waiting for a proper kiss. Its a kiss for goodness sake. Its what married people do. I have just completely lost it and H has shouted and I've cried bucket loads over this issue. He has calmed down now and said he's sorry for shouting and he says he doesn't know what the problem is but feels pressured by me. I know I really need to back off but I seem to have completely lost all patience with this issue. He says he doesn't want me to feel heartbroken every day and I said that is how I feel. He said he doesn't need my help to fix it he just needs normal everyday life. To me kissing/ML to your H/W is part of normal everyday life. I just wanted to say that to him - "no you don't want normal everyday life you just want me to cook and clean and go out with you and then just squash anything I want out of the deal out of my head". Sorry I'm ranting I am just so ...... off as I'm sure you can tell.
I hope you're right L I hope we do get the things we want a hundred fold some day and I hope its some day soon.
inpain, hon, it is pressuring him if you have you tell him to kiss/ML. When things (back back then) were ok between you two, you had no need to ask for these things, no pressure. But now things are trying to resemble normalcy, and he isn't there yet, it doesnt' feel "normal" for him yet. I know that kissing/ML is what married people do, but you guys are just beginning to connect again. At the dange of being clubbered :P , I ask you to be patient luv.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat is right - stop the pressuring. If I held my breath waiting to ML I would be dead by now. To be honest, I can't remember the last time we ML (pitiful eh?) but the fact of the matter is, I would rather wait until he's ready and it be special then to pressure him into doing it and have the "are you satisfied now" look on his face. It's just not worth it. And as much as its "natural" for married people to do/want to do it, you are not in a "normal married" state right now. There are things that have to be resolved before he will feel comfortable again. Things are strained between you two - do you really want to remember your ML sessions like that? I sure wouldn't want to.
Take it easy, have some patience (I know, easier said than done) but in the longhaul it will be worth it.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Thank you both for your posts and I know you are right and I don't want to feel like this either and its not even that I want to pressure him into ML. I just want him to reassure me that we will eventually. That it will be normal again because if it isn't going to be I want to end it. I'll be honest, right now I'm sobbing my heart out. I've been crying all afternoon because I think I'm ready to give up. Yes I want us to be ML and kissing now but I know that he isn't ready so what I want instead is some reason why were not. Some reason that I think is fixable because I'm scared that his reason isn't fixable. I'm not getting anything. He was out straight from work all night last night from 4pm until 1am and he's working tonight and he's gone to get some things from a DIY shop and has decided to stop at a friends and is just going to come back for dinner. I feel like I'm running a hotel. I'm not getting anything here and I know we're supposed to put our needs on hold but I really have had enough.
Sorry, you felt so bad this morning, or whatever time it is there. I want that reassurance, too that all will be well, but can't ask him for it. You really don't want to give up, but I understand how you are feeling, I have sometimes toyed with the idea of giving up, but know I won't. Don't push him for an answer to why not, either. When he gets home for dinner, could you ask him to stay and watch a movie with you or do something with S and you?
