I've read your posts on other threads and kept up with your sitch from a distance (so to speak). I'm so sorry that after all this, your W continues to toy with you. I had much hope for you and while it is true that where there's life, there's hope, I can fully understand why you are at the place you are.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of. If you should decide to permanently move on, you can do so knowing that you did your level best...that you didn't take the easy or quick way out...that you stood for your M, your W, and your kids...that you didn't shirk your responsibilities, retreat into denial or self-destructive behavior, or run from the hard things.
Instead, you showed strength, patience, perseverance, understanding, and honor. It is now (past) time for your W to make a choice to do these things. If she won't, then it is she who has lost you, not you, her. Clarity, wisdom, and serenity to you.
