I actually have believed for some time that the opposite is true.


When I first came here I did too. Maybe Cemar posted more in the past before I started lurking here, that would paint this picture.

My observations see the stronger woman steadily losing respect (if there ever was much) for her spouse while she becomes more and more domineering and demanding and minimizing him (and even his position and functioning) in the realtionship.

There is a female equivalent to madonna/whore. Still in the beginning of the R, she had a certain perspective that prompted her to become involved with the man. When that changes over time, it is her responsibility to maintain her perspective. Of course thats a should (pointed out and stated in our M vows honor respect for her, love and cherish for him). Thats not the reality of a romantic R.

There are a couple guys here who I really do see as Mr.Sensitvie marrying Ms.Assertive. I believe Cac4? who is married to a Japanese woman is one of these.

With Cemar though, he has said that she will have sex with him anytime he wants, I see his anger, and his insistance to do things his way. Both are masculine.
He has also alluded to the fact that she was sexually abused, which put together I see a woman who has given in/ gives it up to appease, but isnt involved at all.
'Heres my body, but you dont get me.'

Thats just my opinion from the limited peeks he has given.
I guess will have to disagree.

I can live with that, Im sure you can too. :-)

I wonder how many of the men here were either approached by their future wife first, or their future wife pushed the relationship forward by asking/arranging the date, the engagement, the sex.

HP and I were tossing the 'who initiates first' concept a while back.

When women approach, its because the guy is displaying certain attributes. I very very rarely initiate in a way that anyone observing could say... He approached her first. If I see something that piques my interest, I just put myself in proximity and 'turn on' a set of attributes. They are compelled to approach, and in their opinion, think they initiated. Once they do, then I immediately reassert, and seize ownership. They feel desire/protected/understood, not chased.
Just like HP thinks she initiated. Her H may think she did too, but that doesnt make it so.

And it's all pretty unfair - because Mr. Sensitive didn't really change.

Exactly. only her peception changed. But lifes not fair. If life were fair, King David wouldnt have taken (or even been able to take) Uriahs wife, Bathsheba,(with her complete complicity I might add) and then had him murdered, when he allready had several hundred other wives.

From what I see of Burgbuds sitch, he in his opinion probably 'changed' for 'the better' in the sense that he increased his earning capacity, and took care of her when she was sick. It was her perception that chose to see his actions as placating.


But he's going to have to, if he ever hopes to see his situation improve.

Unfortunately so many men end up thinking that being a abusive, using, jerk is what they have to change into, because of their misunderstanding and bitterness.