Hey Hairy, good to see you back and still alive. I just cracked up reading your post and remembered the chocolate cake incident. Still good old sarcastic HD. I cracked up even more when I read Chrome's hook line and sinker reply (sorry Chrome). Strap on the brass set HD for the big talk. Everyone's advice is the same as ever STAND UP TO HER. I just had a "big talk" with my H - more of that elsewhere
Oh and if you should feel in the mood for baking then feel free to fedex a slice to me - dark chocolate yummy!
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Hey Hairy, good to see you back and still alive. I just cracked up reading your post and remembered the chocolate cake incident. Still good old sarcastic HD.
Strap on the brass set HD for the big talk. Everyone's advice is the same as ever STAND UP TO HER and tell the truth. I just had a "big talk" with my H - more of that elsewhere
Oh and if you should feel in the mood for baking then feel free to fedex a slice to me - dark chocolate yummy!
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Sorry about the double post - can't get the hang of this new style board. What are you supposed to do about editing - it only gives you about 15 seconds?
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
My example was just a first step. The first step is internally believing that your needs are important, and then letting her know that they are, and that they are not going to go away. I didnt really like the we in it or it being a question, but your W is so intractable and fearful that I think its important that it be a team. If your saying we in the sense that you expect her to figure out what the second step is, that wont come across as assured or confidant. The second is leading, or having a plan on how your needs are going to get met.
Youve said 1x a week so you have thought about step two. I will say, when negotiating you have to shoot for the moon and then meet in the middle. you dont come in with your lowest acceptable terms, and expect that to be the end of the negotiation. You want this pot to boil HD. Unless you are willing to make it boil neither of you will ever get the crap to float up to the surface. 1x a week is not a lot of practice time, nor will it force the two of you to face each other on a regular enough basis to confront the other issues. Its also unrealistic to expect to say 1x a week is acceptable, and then down the road try to incrementally increase that. It makes the OP feel as if they can never meet your expectations. Its constantly moving the goal post on them, and causes resentment.
I dont worry that you will be overbearing or unreasonable. Do you? Fight for your needs, fight for your quality of life, fight for your M. Fight with your wife, but dont wail on her. She will respect you for that. I promise.
I got your joke about Vday and chocolate cake. Im a big fan of self deprecation and sarcasm. When done in juxtoposition to demeanor, body language and tonality its funny. (like the blue collar tour guys) when done in a seeking approval way, Ill still laugh, but it turns women off sexually.
Thats not acceptable in my world.
Martelo, I always enjoy your posts, its encouraging to see someone who is having success by implementing and applying changes to improve his R.
I guess we just sit around and wait for Cobra and Blackfoot to tell us why it's wrong HD, Im nobody. read Burgbuds sig. Stop waiting. There is no 'perfect'. Do something.
Launching on blackfoot's comment about aiming high when negotiating... why not do like the NOPs and tell her you want to do it every day. After you harp on that for a few weeks, maybe 1x per week will sound pretty reasonable to her.
Reminds me of that story about the kid who came home from school and said she was pregnant, got expelled, totaled her car, got busted for drugs, whatever-- and after the parent peeled himself off the ceiling, she said, "none of that-- I got a D in History-- doesn't sound so bad now, does it?"
I also miss Cally. She always had good posts for the guys explaining how her man changed and got her desire to reappear. I always found a lesson in what she said.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
