Got an e-mail from xw today about how she met somebody where we used to live long ago that worked with me. It had questions for prompted replies and at the end a request to call and talk this weekend. It's clear now to me that I fill some small but critical need for her with these phone conversations. We both want our needs (mine: to either try us or not have contact, hers: to be just friends) met but they are in conflict so how to resolve? I still think that sending her something is a good gesture to extend the olive branch. A good aspect of solultion based short-term process.
There is no neagtivity involved here but am beginning to see your points of view, passive-aggresive behavior sounds like a new-age term for being stubborn. And agree that ultimatums like "come back or I won't talk to you" are totally worthless and the type of things that get people into these sorts of problems, not out of. At this point I'm prepared to move in either direction (try us or no contact) without qualms but not at a stage where I can just "hang on/around as a friend". Hope that makes better sense. There is no sarcasm in sending a package that I can see. Realize that while we remain at geographically separated residences there will remain a degree of limbo i.e. can't really get back together.
Some people may be able to view their past as "just two people with 20+ years of history" to make them feel better about how things went but I'm not at that place yet and maybe never will be. Can't trivialize all those years, the memories of our kids being born, etc. that would basically trivialize entire adult life. Like saying about another person, "she was just my mom, just some lady that raised me" would be for the childhood years.
I've tried, but talking on the phone is not one of my strong points, not on for long and not for important things, need to be in person for those. Also raised to not talk about what's hard for me, or I'm hurting or showing other weaknesses and things like that.
Thanks for the input, always good to have a sounding board to reflect and contemplate on things I might not otherwise had considered. Now need to get back to thinking about whether to reply to this e-mail and if so what to say. Have a good day all! RJ
