Just wanted to say that I did find enlightenment in your post detailing your sexual encounter with your bf. Being a "leading" man had meant being assertive in the bedroom. I had not envisioned that being "passive" could allow the LD woman a chance to explore her sexuality and get ramped-up. My W does complain that I sometimes "jump all over her" at the slightest provocation, which I can see causing her to lose her sexual expression in the face of my overwhelming desire.
On the other hand, my W doesn't have the sexual maturity that you do, and I am doubtful that at this point in the game she would have the initiative or even thought to do what you did. But perhaps in the future a light bulb will turn on when another turns off. Thanks for the lesson.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I'm glad I could offer you some enlightenment... but... sorry to tell you, I'm not LD.
My xH used to go 'passive' on me in the bedroom and he'd lay there with expectancy. It's the attitude. I'm sure I could have applied my methods to him, but there were so many other things off in our M, I doubt it would have made much of a difference.
Honeypot talks about 'wanting to please her H.' I understand that notion. There is healthy respect in that notion, for both herself and her H, and the M.
When respect is gone between two people... trust and communication, honesty and vulnerability... fly out the window. So it isn't so much about going passive, really, and allowing someone to explore their sexuality (although that can be a part of it, given the right conditions.
It's about respect. You always have to keep that in the forefront, at least, that's what I think.
Sorry, wrong label. I hate labels anyway. I guess I was just thinking of someone who needs a little time to ramp up their sexuality rather than someone who is ready to go. I never thought that the ramping-up could be done by the woman, just assumed it would be the man's leading action that would do it. Silly me.
You are right. I have lost a lot of respect, and it will be some time before I regain it, if ever. I guess I was just ruminating on how I may have done things wrong in the past, and/or could do better in the future.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
