Unloved, Congratulations on surviving a separation, and making it to Piecing your M together! Your DB has likely had some influence on the outcome. I'm glad you have DB experience, as you will understand the DB terms as I use them.
When was the last time that you asked him if he's still seeing someone? You mentioned that he told you that he was seeing someone during your separation. When did he tell you that? How current is your information?
My guess is though that no matter what he tells you, you are going to have trust issues, at this time. The exclusivity of your R has been broken.
The behavior that you describe is difficult to assess. Michelle in DR cautions us to be careful about jumping to conclusions about our spouses's behavior and trying to read their minds.
You will need to "Act As If" you trust him. Policing someone's behavior is not the answer to eliminating it. Eliminating a negative behavior, doesn't guarantee replacement with a positive behavior. Relationships improve through promoting positives in ourselves and the R, and stopping patterns that create problems.
Should you discuss this with him? I don't know. What do you think the outcome would be? You seem like you would be approaching it from a vulnerable position, which would make it probably not a good idea, at this time.
Your primary goal is to feel loved and wanted. Can you break this down into realistic steps? What would he have to do to help you feel this way? These need to be realistic to where the R is at this time. Relationships improve via our reinforcing our partners for making small improvements.
Once you identify some realistic steps for him to take to meet your goal, then consider telling him, and see what he thinks. These are going to be framed in positive terms, so that he can succeed. It should be met with a positive response.
Concerned_Listener
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
