You asked "What are you thinking specifically that's feeding the resentment?
Here is about what my mental dialogue used to be "J is still working with the sl*t. He doesnt care about me or how I feel about it. They are probably eating lunch together every day while I'm here kissing his butt trying to save our M"
My internal diagogue is much the same: They are probably eating lunch together everyday and have secret meetings after work while I'm here kissing his butt trying to save our M.
The truth was... yes, he was still working with OW. The truth as to why wasnt because he wanted to work with her or cause me pain. He was working with her because we needed the income and he hadnt found another job. The truth was that he did care about me.. proof is that he came home to me every night. He cared how I felt about it, but probably couldnt deal with my feelings at the time because he was confused and guilt ridden himself. As far as them spending time together.. I have no idea. he says he wasnt, but that still wasnt the problem. The prob was that he wasnt spending time with me, or working HIS butt of on our M. That was the root of my anger and resentment. And, OW had nothing to do with it, but I told myself she did. I wasnt working on how to encourage him to spend more time with me and recommit to the M.. I was working on getting him away from OW and confronting him and trying to control that created more distance. Cheeseless tunnel for me. I shouldve been trying to DB better and show him I was changing so that he'd willingly decide that he wanted to spend time with me and make our M better because it was worth it.
The above is exactly what I would say too! I am mad because he doesn't come straight home from work to spend time with me and that hurts. It makes me feel like he doesn't care about me and then I think he stayed in this M because it was the right thing to do for the kids as well as financially impossible to leave. That coupled with the fact that he never really admitted to anything and NEVER apologized. I resent him because he betrayed me and hurt me so badly and never once told me he was sorry. It's like he expects me to forget about it and move on, well I can't.
