So, do you ever wish you could just open up your spouse's head and pour some of your hard-won DBer Wisdom into it?
W came home yesterday after a rough day at work. She got assigned at the last minute to a new project team that didn't really want her there (for a variety of reasons having nothing at all to do with her). Said she was just about in tears after being shot down time and again in her first meeting with them.
I tried to help her back off emotionally from the sitch and see that the other people's reactions had to do with several external factors and were not personal attacks. Also tried to tell her (again!) about the "Control your reactions" deal. I think she heard SOME of this, but still was upset.
Felt bad I couldn't help more - but, on the other hand, we (men in particular) sometimes need to remember that it's not our job to fix everything that goes wrong for our spouses. (Right, Scott? )
The book Passionate Marriage (highly recommended BTW) talks about how the two people in a relationship are basically NEVER at the same level of growth. Instead, you are continually leapfrogging each other. Problems arise when the discomfort of growth causes you both settle for stagnation and stop growing altogether, or when one person grows significantly more than the other is willing/able to do. I feel like I'm the one who's out in front right now - not saying W can't or won't catch up, just sort of journaling on how I'm seeing this play out in my own sitch.
Make sense? Anybody else running into this?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
)
