Yes, I've read the article. I see where my W got into the affair - she is coming to terms with disappointment in her life and the marriage. I wasn't much help. We weren't good at talking about things. I was pretty content to talk around the problem, to try to change her mood, or to cheer her up. Mainly because I didn't know how to deal with some things.
I think my threshold is pretty high. I've been dealing with this for about 8 or 9 months. The A has been on and off, and I'm only now learning more details about it. Like the fact that an EA was also a PA. Just hearning about that takes me up against the limit of what I want to take. I don't know about it getting worse before it gets better, because it's gotten worse over and over again and then some. I'm tired.
Been reading a lot of the books - the affairs ones, the DB ones, love lingos, all that. Trying the advice too - changing how I relate to her, seeing my role (selfish moron, even though I tried to show her love all the time) in the problem and acting in a new way.
So many things contradictory though. Some say "confront" and stick to limits (like no contact with OM). Others say "be a friend" and let her confide in you. I do a little of both and feel out of whack either way. Seems like I get taken advantage of - been misled about things between them, all the while being a "friend" - which feels like being treated like dirt.
Got some understanding of all this. But worried that my bad behavior will never be forgiven. And that what she's done to contribute to all this will be underplayed.
Don't care about being right. But if I take on all the blame, I'll look like a monster.
