Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[LoginName]

HW,
Trust, wow. The books I read when my W first came back talked about how the person who had the A can rebuild trust. I thought my W would do all those things. She's done none of them. She's done the oposite. I don't trust her when she says she hasn't contacted the OM (partly because she hasn't actually said that). I don't trust her when she says she won't just leave again, I don't trust her when she says pretty much anything.

But, how can I live my life always second guessing and worrying? I act like I trust her because it's the best choice available to me. If she contacts the OM, what can I do about it? I can't watch her all the time. If she leaves today while I'm at work, I can't stop her. I am trying to think and feel that her actions don't determine mine. I guess I don't trust her, but I don't care in a way either. If she has an A, then I can take action if I chose too. I have my boundaries. If she crosses those, I have to defend them. Otherwise, I can't control her, so I have to let it go.

I'd love to trust. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust the way I did. I'll always have to have the attitude that if she, or anyone, betrays my trust, it doesn't reflect on me. It doesn't mean that I'm unworthy or I did something wrong. It was that pesrsons choice. It's my choice how to react to their actions.

It's great, I think, that your H is making any attempt to ease your distrust. But what do you think of my idea? You have to go to work, sleep, sometime. He could betray your trust fairly easily. There is nothing you can do about it. Let it go. Make sense?

Then there are boundaries. Everyone has there own. Some here have been able to live with a S who was activily having an A. I don't know if I could. I might be able to for the kids sake. Hopefully, I won't have to find out. There are some here, like you, whose S have had multiple As. Would that cross my boundary? Again, I hope I don't have to find out. But it's your choice. You can decide what your actions are. But I feel that we have no choice but to 'trust' our spouses. We, or you, can still talk to him, discuss your fears, you trust issues, and what you'd like him to do, but maybe not expect him to understand or act the way you'd like him to.

I don't know. Did I babble too much there and lose my point? I hope not.