You know what it would take to be comfortable with your W. Think about it just for a second....You found someone who is genuienly interested in you...OW...W sees that and starts to get jealous because she is loosing what she believes she controls...YOU...Talk to the W and make her make choice. Be honesy with her. Tell her that you would be willing to give it a chance if she cuts the ties with the jail bird. You know where you stand. You will be happy no matter what she decides.
You do not NEED her...However, you still want her and your family so I would give it a shot. Just my 2 cents. Ben
P.S. It will take more than just an agreement to make this work though...but you already know this...
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
You have come such a long way, don't slip back now. It's like Osu said, your W see OW moving in on what she considered/considers to be her "territory" - she wants her cake (foundation - YOU) and icing (jail bird) too and now she is feeling a little uneasy that she might be losing the cake (foundation)and of course she is going to try and salvage it. However, my guess is as soon as she knows she has you where SHE wants you, it will be back to you waiting around, wondering what she is going to do.
I would just continue on with what you have been doing, seems to be working wouldn't you say? And, IF your W does want to come back, it will have to be accordingly to YOUR rules and guidelines - one of them being drop the drip she's seeing.
Good luck A - you deserve it
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
[quote= She told me tonight she is still thinking about reconciling with me. [/quote]
well isn't that special (church lady)
since there doesn't seem to be a rush to go either way, I'd keep doing what you're doing, think of it like this, you just spent months plotting to break out of prison, you make your move, you clear the fence and are making a clean getaway on to freedom. then the warden shouts through the p/a that if you come back, you'll get an extra slice of pizza on friday. HMMMMMMMMM, what to do? what to do?
It's really a conflicting situation for me and I think your both right. I confided in my Brother and he said the same thing about making sure her intentions are honest. He told me that when I first separated from her that he's never seen me in worse shape emotionally in my life and he's right. I've always been an optimistic person. He told me he didn't want to see me like that again and I agreed I didn't want to feel like that again.
You guys know how painful this experience is. I DO NOT want to go through that all over again. I'm in a very good place now and have healed thanks in large part to this board, my friends and family. I have my second wind. I'm enjoying life again where it was so bleak a year ago. I don't want to get sucked back in to those dark emotions I felt back then. On the other hand, I don't want to close the door on my kids having their Dad around nor do I want to dismiss her all together if she does truly love me and wants to try and have a more rewarding and fulfilling M with me.
I'm going to take your advice. Actions speak louder than words so I'll wait and see what her actions are telling me before I decide if I want her back.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
It is a tough call but you do have to protect yourself. This is one of those times you are in control (kind of) as opposed to when she had the A - not like she gave you an option then.
So here you are, better physically, mentally, spititually etc. than you have been in a long, long time. Don't let her destroy that.
Hang tough
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
