Ok, would love to hear what this is exactly if you want to start another thread. I guess to me the problem with LD relationships is that the HD ALWAYS LEADS. If one person leads, the other person never can express "DESIRE". "Desire" requires initiation does it not?
I think using the term "lead" is not quite right. IMO, it could encourage male behavior that is more paternalistic than straight-forwardly masculine. The two are not the same. Let's say the woman is the cow and the man is the rancher. Let's say the rancher's goal is to keep the cow on the ranch happily supplying him with milk. Many men make the mistake (IMO) of thinking the way to take charge or control the situation is to concentrate on controlling the cow. This leads to either placating (giving the cow a carrot)or paternalistic (giving the cow the stick) behavior. Instead the rancher needs to concentrate on the fence. The fence being his own self-esteem vis a vis masculinity. Of course, in this analogy the cow's milk represents sex or whatever other form of value or validation that makes the rancher feel more masculine because it's coming from a female.
For example, let's say you did something masculine that you hoped that you wife would admire, like maybe scoring the winning goal at the soccer match, or getting a raise at work or chopping a pile of wood. That admiration would be milk for you just like getting a great BJ would be milk for you. Milk is what you "desire".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
