don't get it! Help!

[kissak]

Thanks again Cat! You are so inciteful. Are you and you H working on things? I kind of blew up at my H last night. I came home from Church and saw his car at the OW house. She lives at the foot of my road. It hurt me soooo bad to see that. I couldn't stand it and we had a text message war! He still claims that they just started seeing each other and that's all. He said whether I want to believe it or not, it just happened. He said he didn't lie to me about the fact he said he didn't leave me for another woman. I just find it hard to believe. I think it made it easier for him to leave because he had interest for her. Why, I don't know. She has NO personality! Any way I thought being the person I am, I text him this morning and told him I was sorry for the blow up and that I was just hurting, and he said he was okay with it. I told him about a medical problem that had come up with me and he said that no matter if he was my H or not he would always be concerned for me. I feel like I took 10 steps backwards last night. I feel like no matter what I say or do, he will never come back. Its hard to be just his friend and know that he is with someone else everyday. Sometimes I get so mad that I want to take him for every thing he's got! By the way, I'm not planning on using another man to see if he gets jealous. It has been a thought, but I don't want to close any doors on reconciliation, besides, why would I want another man to deal with!!!