I had a weird reaction to this post of yours. I felt envious because for you crying more is a good thing. It's sort of like this BB is an eating disorders clinic and I am the obese girl who wants some pudding but can't have it and you are the anorexic girl who needs to eat more pudding. But then I remembered that we're all here because we need to take better care of ourselves which means more crying for you and less crying for me. So I want to give you a hug and a big spoon and a super-size box of kleenex. Take care of yourself.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Awh, shucks, thanks girl. Thank you so much for that personalized analogy... I love your analogies.
UPDATE:
I went back to the doctor today for my two-week check up. Things have radically stablized for me... well, at least compared to where I was two or three weeks ago. And no, just because I am feeling better does NOT mean I am going to stop taking the med. he prescribed for me. I'm afraid I'd crash and burn, which, btw, is exactly what he'd said I'd do if I did stop. He's looking at four to six months before weaning me off and letting my body kick back into gear.
He also told me, which I found very interesting... that the human body, once it reaches abnormally high levels of stress... cannot 'deregulate' itself. Meaning, the stress kicks in to protect you and help you through whatever it is you are facing... but once the 'thing' is over... your body can't 're-regulate' very well. Way back before we had all these lovely meds... that crash and burn cycle would cause all kinds of mental health and physcial health issues. Left unchecked, it can get quite damaging.
Who knew.
My dad goes back for his check up on Feb. 13th, and then he's heading to another camp for Cardio Rehab. He's doing much better, and he adores my cooking.
I'm in the process of formulating a new business strategy (cause the big huge contract thing didn't work out... oh well <-- look at that nice, calm, healthy response) and I'm continuing to write my book at a more even tempo. With that, and my kids in hockey, and the ballroom dance season kicking back into high gear, I've got all on my plate I can handle...
Oh... and just to update y'all on the tax issue... my accountant doesn't think I'm going to have to pay anything (even though the attorney screwed up)... which was a major sigh of relief on my part.
And yes, Mo, I'm getting really, really good at crying. Whho knew what a blessing it is to get it out of your system and move the heck on...
He also told me, which I found very interesting... that the human body, once it reaches abnormally high levels of stress... cannot 'deregulate' itself. Meaning, the stress kicks in to protect you and help you through whatever it is you are facing... but once the 'thing' is over... your body can't 're-regulate' very well. Way back before we had all these lovely meds... that crash and burn cycle would cause all kinds of mental health and physcial health issues. Left unchecked, it can get quite damaging.
I think this is what happened to me during my marriage. My H's many health crises took their toll on both of us... he didn't survive... and I barely did. I'm just now realizing the damage.
Corri, if you are taking an SSRI, when the time comes to get off of it, research the process thoroughly. Google on med name and "withdrawal." I was on paxil for about six months and it took me months and months to be free of the withdrawal effects, of which one of the major ones was anxiety attacks. Paxil is particularly hard to get off of, but all the SSRI's have this in common. You have to taper very very slowly... some people even get the liquid so they can taper in a measured way. It's not just a question of going to half a dose for a week, then off. It's more like reducing the dose by 1/4 for several weeks, then again by 1/4 for several weeks, and eventually every other day for a few more weeks. No kidding. Some people even shave tiny pieces off the pills and do this for weeks. Anyway, the meds are great, but need lots of respect, iykwim.
Thanks, guy. I appreciate the confidence. I hate meds. Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do. If it were just me in life, I'd try to battle through it on my own. Since I've got the kids, I won't risk it.
Corri, honey, I respectfully suggest that you banish the thought "I hate meds." What's to hate about meds? They are modern miracles... from penicillin to cyclosporine, to insulin, chemotherapy, vaccines, all the AIDS drugs, asthma drugs... they are life savers. They are tools that people have learned to make from the natural resources on this planet and we can use them to enhance our lives. Right now this one tool is helping you. Rather than say you "hate" it, why not express a prayer of gratitude that this med exists, that you have the financial resources to take advantage of it, that you have a doctor who prescribed it. It's not a weakness or a failure to use a psychoactive drug to help balance your mental/emotional seesaw. In my book, there's no merit in "battling through on your own" when a tool is available, and you are clear-eyed about using it. It makes more sense to use zoloft than to down a bottle of Jack Daniels-- THAT'S medication, too.
I came home tonight and found one of my beloved cats dead on the patio in his little shelter. I had to go out and bury him alone in the dark under the full moon. (Bf is in town.) He was the sweetest cat with the most loving disposition... he loved to lick your hand... we'd say about him, "He takes a licking and keeps on licking"-- Oreo was his name. I cried while I buried him. Then I came in the house and did a sensible thing-- took 1/4 mg of xanax. That will help me sleep.
I had to go out and bury him alone in the dark under the full moon. (Bf is in town.) He was the sweetest cat with the most loving disposition... he loved to lick your hand... we'd say about him, "He takes a licking and keeps on licking"-- Oreo was his name. I cried while I buried him. Then I came in the house and did a sensible thing-- took 1/4 mg of xanax. That will help me sleep.