That's pretty funny-what you said above is pretty much what I just said in response to Gator, about the making mistakes issue.
God yes, have I made mistakes, and He has forgiven me all of them. And one thing that has been helping me recently is that I have tried to put myself in my H's place, having screwed up so badly, what would I want from him? How would I want him to treat me?
I think I'm ready to read 'After the Affair' now, I tried a few weeks ago but got angry as I flipped through it.
As far as the dead horse thing, I see your point, thank you, and I do not harp on him like I've said we get along great-and our friendship has been getting stronger and stronger through this.
But I do think there are reasons he is just not ready to tell me. I have not asked the 'why' question in a long time (he did see me upset a few weekends ago-he just held me and let me cry-when he asked what was wrong, I said I was still confused and just wanted to understand it all-but did not directly ask the WHYs or HOW COULD YOUs, but I know what I said is basically the same thing).
I am not pushing him. I have asked why enough. I do not initiate OR talks, neither does he, so we just don't have them.
I also know that I will always be missing this, inside of me, it's something I need to know. I can't even explain it. I refuse to believe that 'it just happened' and she was 'just available'-because she was not-they had a long distance thing....thousands of miles apart. I recognize and own these as MY issues. I keep them to myself (save y'all!).
Will this impede the healing of my marriage? Well, to quote my H I know "I don't really know" (sorry, pathetic attempt at humor).
I know our direction if forward. And that's where we're going.
