Well I'm feelin' pretty good. Good enough to move back to the "piecing" board after a couple of months on the "thinking of leaving board."
After much thinking and a little bit more communication with H, I am of the current impression that it is possible to pursue my career as an independent public relations writer and maintain a happy M with him. Possible.
First he told me that he did not support using childcare at all if I worked from home, and that I needed to give up my writing pursuits because I don't have the right degree. So I stewed in thought about whether I wanted a M with a man who insisted I sacrafice my personal dreams. Then, a few days ago, H sends me a job announcement for a traveling sports writer for his favorite baseball website. After I figured out he wasn't just joking I told him I was confused because I thought he didn't support me pursuing a writing career. To which he said he had no problem with me having a writing career, especially if it made money. I then explained that I have no clips in sports writing and don't intend to go off in that direction, because I'm focusing on marine commerce, which fits with my background in the military and the fact that I will (if all goes well) be transfering around with him from port to port. And he seemed OK with that.
Blah, blah, blah, that's all very boring, but the point is...when will I learn my lesson? He says one thing one day, with such conviction, and something totally different the next. When will I learn not to take his extremist stands to heart?
Anyway, this is my big issue to deal with: figuring out how to get H's support in building a pr writing career from home. I've got the first part figured out in theory-meet his emotional needs for sex, domestic support, admiration, affection and an attractive spouse. With him still 2,000 miles away, I can do the admiration and some of the affection thing, but not so much about the sex and domestic support thing. But the other part of this, I think, is getting him onboard with my plan. I had a therapist appt today and she recommended writing up a business plan and asking his help to keep me accountable to it. I'd thought of presenting H with a business plan already, but asking his help to keep me on track is a new idea. That may actually appeal to his need to be needed.
So, I'll get to work on that ASAP! However, the first part about meeting his needs is actually the most important part I think. And the second part about getting him onboard with my business plan should hopefully follow if he feels I have already put him first. So maybe I shouldn't go too crazy with trying to convince him of my plan until this summer when he's around and I can actually fill his sex/domesticity love tank. Just a business plan outline maybe.
Hope everyone out there is doing right by themselves and finding bits of happiness. I'm feeling very strange today. Like I got a full night's sleep last night or something.
